I broke up with my girlfriend last September. She was my first girlfriend and my first sex. I was 37. I was feeling overwhelmed by a great many factors, so I decided I needed space. It feels like this was huge mistake.
Recently, I had been journaling about how I wanted her back and finally spoke to her about this. I laid everything on the line; I even told her I was a virgin before we met. She was extremely cold with me; she's moving on with her life. She has a date this Friday. She explained how she had been angry and cried herself to sleep for two month. The coldness was the hardest part to take and shocking; she had been someone so warm and so desiring of me before.
Now I feel devastated. It hurts even further because I'm the one who made the initial breakup. Now the relationship appears impossible and I feel like I've been dumped. I'm scared that I will never have another like her; she was beautiful, sexy, smart, patient, nonjudgmental of all my problems. She seemed to adore me. She wanted to move faster than I felt comfortable and it scared me, so I broke up with her. Now I wish to God I hadn't. This is one of the most painful moments of my life.
Part of my emotional challenge is that I'm on day 3 now of no PMO. I was going strong in the new year, but masturbated with porn to orgasm twice on the 13th. The chaser effect was so nasty I haven't really had cravings since.
I hope I can someday find the right one. I'm scared it was her and I let my mental shit stop me. I never expected this level of pain when I asked this girl out. I feel so hurt.