72 days down... ended.

Submitted by Hockeygod28 on
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I got stupid and my streak ended last night. I was feeling great about myself for once I felt in control of my thoughts and for the most part thing s were going well. I just was feeling happy. I was noticing differences in my sex drive as well. I took a girl out on a date and as soon as we kissed immediately had a great erection. Things were going well and maybe thats what got me into smoking marijuana again. I smoked one night because I couldnt fall asleep for the life of me and it truely did help. What I should have done was stop right there but the next day I did it again and I find that weed is an aphrodisiac for me. I just became so horny for some reason and my old urges started to re appear. I never went online or anything but thoughts of going outside naked for a walk gripped my body and I felt out of control once again. Old nasty habits that got me going started to sruge through my body like humping my bed and trying to suck my own dick. I know its strange but when im this high I feel like my old urges take over my whole mindset. I had enough power to not do any of this but just masturbate and I just crumbled afterwords. Its a real shame because I really thought I had it this time, 90 days seemed like a goal that was destined to happen. But theres no time to sulk over it, just picking myself up and getting into my usual routine because I felt most happy then, No more smoking, it doesnt help at all it just races my head but I already knew that.... I just wish I didnt feel so down about failing to reach my goal.

Comments

I wish you didn't either

72 days is excellent. And you learned a valuable lesson: no marijuana. It's a non-negotiable pastime for you. And you're not alone. Many guys find that combo (pot-porn) is deadly.

Lesson learned. Move on.

But at least you know that this approach WORKS for you. That's valuable information.

72 Days Is Not So Bad

Smoking weed is problematic. During the almost two years my girlfriend and I were together in high school between us we probably smoked a total of two joints at parties. It was no big deal to us. But when we got to college it was like everyone smoked weed. Our university, like most, has a “look the other way” policy on it. This place is by no means Stonerville U; I know a lot of places where it is a lot more prevalent. But we did find that smoking a bunch of weed had some pretty undesirable side effects on our relationship. Some of the poor choices we made causing our breakup freshman year were probably related to heavy partying and being stoned. When we were broken up and were hooking up with other people it usually involved getting trashed one way or the other, normally alcohol or weed. A lot of that is just the college party scene. When we got back together we pretty much stayed sober. Once we got our lives and relationship back together we did relax that a bit—no one likes a sober person at a college party! We aren’t saints; we really enjoy being in college and like to have fun. For us alcohol isn’t a big problem, we both like to drink but within limits; but we made a conscious effort to limit marijuana use.

The question is really should you try to avoid smoking weed, probably. I think you are having the same impulse control, poor judgment issues we did. You said weed is an aphrodisiac for you, I think it really just clouds your judgment; it breaks down your resistance to making that hard decision of saying no, to in your case porn and continual masturbation. Like with most things the less you want to do something, in this case stop smoking weed, probably the better it is that you do it. At least stop until you are in a better mind set with porn and masturbation. I am not going to be a hypocrite; we still will smoke a joint, but rarely. But we didn’t do it again until we were in a better mind set and had worked out our other problems. Believe me smoking weed was not our only problem it just clouded our judgment on the other issues in our life. Now the only thing we argue about after smoking weed is who gets the last potato chip.

Now the issue of only going 72 days without rubbing one out—enough self flagellation already, 72 days is pretty good; it is 80 percent of your goal. Everyone has failures; the stress of no release, making out with the girl, smoking the weed, they all contributed. Now you can either look at this as a 20 percent failure or an 80 percent success. Why don’t you try looking at the 80 percent success and try for the 90 days again. Maybe a better idea is to see if the girl you were kissing would like to take things further, having someone in your life would be a real goal worth attaining.

Thanks

I appreciate your thoughts. I know I wont be able to get away from the weed scene which is fine with me. For the most part I think I did a good job of avoiding it. I live with 4 other close friends and they all smoke daily, they cant go a day without it. Its kind of sad to think about it. They dont understand why I dont blaze but I dont have to tell them, its not their problem. I just do my own thing. Its an aphrodisiac for me yes but my main concern when I blaze is that it raises my HOCD tendencies. I am able to have a strong mind when im sober or drinking alcohol at some points to overcome it but when it comes to weed im a prisoner of my own head. My mind just starts racing with abnormal thoughts of for instance picturing my friends nude and shit and so on, I dont really wanna go into detail. Its weird cuz I had been smoking weed for a long time and never had this happen until after my porn use to be honest. I dont enjoy it anymore because I just start freaking out. No control whatsoever. I go to bed and then just get really horny to just about anything. I literally just feel like I start losing my mind and it gets real dark sometimes. If its not helping im just gunna stay away from it.

Yea im trying my best to look at it that way. Im not giving up but im not happy with it at all. I just find the most frustrating part is learning from my mistakes. Im not learning I keep doing the same stuff over and over. Been doing this for a couple years and slowly been making progress, 70 days is the best ive ever done. Maybe it takes people a while to complete this whole process but yea its just about learning from my mistakes and I wanna focus on actually doing that. I would love to take things further with her but I dont think its going to happen. I dont know what it is with me and girls but I tend to look for a relationship. I really want it but that might be my downfall. The beginning is always great but theres always a point I hit right before the next step is to be made and I get this sense that they dont wanna move on. Ive gotten some criticism of needing a counsellor instead of a girlfriend. Im sort of an emotional guy. Its not just from this whole process, alot of family issues and im trying my best to work on it and im getting better but I wear my emotions on my sleeves a bit too much (im not a crying mess if thats what your thinking, just not afraid to talk about feelings) and for some reason every girl I find isnt into that. For right now im just trying to take care of myself before I can take care of someone else. I have some things I need to work on as a person to move on and be able to help others.

After this 70 days ended last week I went on a bit of a binge. I had two straight days of masturbating without porn and I was going on craigslist looking for girls to meet up for sex. Not good, pretty much like porn. Jumping back on the horse now after I had a "what the fuck are you doing moment." Having anxiety attacks though. I recently got prescribed adderall by my doctor to help with my mood and depression. For instance last night I was feeling very ancy and not myself. I was watching an NHL hockey game and everytime I saw a close up on a guys face I got this uneasiness in my stomach and this spike that ran through my groins to my genitals. Scared the shit out of me and I am getting it today when im walking around campus and I just see a dude. Ive done so much in this reboot process to overcome it but in a way it still scares me. Ive been through it before and it quickly passes, and I feel fine again. I think going on craigslist the other night opened up some old doors and ive been craving all sorts of porn that havent popped up for a good 4-5 months. Trying to laugh it off and make a big joke of it all when I get into these semi panic attacks. Its not even arousal, its almost I gave my penis a shot of caffeine it just feels jittery. It really screws with my mood but finding techniques to get around it makes it fade away. Going for a run makes me feel so much better, feel happy and feel like myself after, my mind becomes calm and im in good spirits. Im also going to try and cut down on how much internet surfing I do, I think thats a huge part in success now. Even if its just looking up sports and socializing, I think decreasing the amount I use my laptop will help the desensitizing process.