Things have been the same as of late, many ups and downs. Ive been reading the "Porn Trap" and so far havent found it incredibly useful, but thats probably because I havent gotten to the end. Ive just been reading many testimonies which are very interesting. Im on a three month streak since Ive viewed porn and I find im most happy when im not aroused due to hormones. But I feel like this is very normal. When I am aroused my brain just flashes through old habits and old memories that are disturbing at times and it feels like they never leave. I try not too but I masturbate in these circumstances so I can be relieved of these nightmarish thoughts but I feel like thats not a solution and I need to ride out these thoughts and fight through them even though its dark and difficult.
On another note I made a really big personal step. I attend University and even though it may not show it from these blog posts (mainly because I dont edit them) I am studying creative writing. I always wanted to be a sports journalist but the more I studied creative writing the more I couldnt stop thinking of what story to write next in a fiction matter. Anyways, I am still taking a journalism class on the side as an elective and we have one giant project for the whole semester. It is to create a 4,000 word feature article on a topic that you think really needs to be talked about. We also had to stand in front of the class and present our idea orally so we can gauge the interest on that specific topic. I stood up and presented my idea about pornography and the effects it takes on the human brain. I stood up and told my story, I didnt get into explicit detail but I stated to the class that I have dealt with porn addiction since high school and I believe its an issue that is barely addressed and I would like to a step to change that by writing an article about it. I was extremely nervous about presenting but Ive dealt with this issue for so long that I wasnt embarrassed to talk about it. I got many compliments from my peers and was presented with many ideas that I took in stride. Im having such difficulty in finding sources on this topic because there simply isnt any statistics on this matter. I was hoping that you (Marnia) or anyone else reading this could help push me in the right direction. I have contacted two different mental health commissions in my country (Canada) for an FOI request and the response I get is positive but they simply dont have the resources/info to help. Im not only looking for statistics but alos people to interview who have studied this line of interest for quite some time. I know its a stretch but would it be possible to interview yourself (Marnia) or any of your colleagues. Im hoping to not only hand this feature article to my class but to also get it published in my school newspaper. If anyone can help I would greatly appreciate it! Thanks!