This feels like a nightmare that wont go away. I was so far at 70 days, and ill get back up to it and pass it this time but im just suprised at how much I deflated after that MO. For the most part I was on cloud nine, really happy rarely any HOCD, now its living hell again. The voices in my head have been altering my perception for the first two weeks. Its still pretty bad but im doing slightly better at the moment. Ive had moments though where im talking to my close friends and im not even thinking properly, my heads firing thoughts that I should just announce im gay and tell them how attractive they are. It was ruining me in that moment. I havent thought about suicide for a really long time , but the thoughts of it slowly creep into my head again. Nothing major like I have had in the past but just giving you an idea of whats going on in my head. Im doing all the proper ways of handling it, going from the schwartz method, and switching things up, been doing pushups and math equations at the same time to alter my thoughts back on track so I can just think properly. It does work, just a repetitive process over a long period of time. I am also just craving a woman to snuggle beside at night sometimes, just to watch a movie or hangout. Trying on this one, cant seem to find anyone at the moment but there is no rush. It will come no point fretting over it. Started taking anti-depressants as well, so far I havent really noticed them after taking them for a week but I was told by the doctor it will take about a month to kick in. I am just so glad I have this website to release whats going on in my head. I cant tell my friends, Ive told them about the porn addiction and how im going on this reboot process but about the HOCD thoughts in my head, its not that I dont want too I just know they wouldnt understand and would jump to conclusions. So for that I thank you again Marnia.