Summer Anxiety

Submitted by Hockeygod28 on
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I leave in a few days to work at a very isolated job up North where there is very little contact with the outside world. Ive done it before but I started going a little loopy before. I was hoping not to come back but I need the money for school and was unable to find another job that pays as well as this one.

I am scared to death that its going to tear me apart. I am back on antidepressants and Ive just stared to meditate every morning to reduce anxiety. I slipped and relapsed on porn for the first time in a year and ever since Ive been riding through a rollercoaster or emotions that all lead to heavy guilt trip.

Is meditation supposed to be done more than once a day? I have just been doing it every morning for 5 min, roughly a week now.

Im having a very hard time taming my mind, its bouncing everywhere on a sexual platform. Everything I see has to be sexual and its really testing my anger. HOCD very high. Very low moments.



I will start doing that for sure. It's crazy since I've relapsed it feels like 3 years ago when I was in my lowest time. I'm hanging with my guys right now and I am going insane. I have a scattermind. I am going nuts. We are drinking and going downtown which may be a bad idea. But what's really pissing me off is that I have made so many steps ahead in the past few years and I feel as if I am just taking steps backwards right now. All in all what I can say is don't get ahead of yourself. Even if you are ahead of the game and feel great keep doing your routine do not underestimate.

Healing with micronutrients.

I've had a couple of friends who struggled with depression and bipolar type symptoms. They both used a micronutrient supplement (vitamins and minerals) and had good results with it. It's called "TrueHope EMP" (see: The story behind their discovery of this approach to mental health is quite intriguing.

Here's a talk you might find interesting too:

I hope this helps.



1 month in

It's been about a month and work has its pros and cons. I met a girl up here and we have been hitting it off. She would rather not do anything intimate until after the work season is done to keep things professional. I took it the wrong way originally but now it is the right decision for sure. It's just perfect to be around her, she almost makes me feel safe and I can't control my erections around her which is and added bonus. I'm on the same anti depressants and I don't know if its the pills but everyday I am feel like I'm on the edge with anxiety. Last night I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Most of it revolves around hocd. I keep getting this feeling as if I can't escape the intrusive thoughts, and it suffocates me. I always think of this girl now and then my hocd will kick in and blurt my past in my head.

I try to meditate everyday and it was helping alot but only temporary. Maybe I should do it more than once a day.

Also thinking about kicking the pills and seeing if there is a difference in my anxiety. My while body feels on edge everyday


"I can't control my erections around her which is an added bonus."
That's an interesting statement. I believe women aren't as enamored with our dicks as we are, so watch it.
For me that has been part of the draw of porn and homosexuality. In porn, the actors are hired to worship, marvel, and get great pleasure from servicing the prick (as I have for so many years. He is my best friend and gawd, what a rush!). And this is what gay men have done for me over the years. To be attracted to a woman is fraught with anxiety. I am not attracted to men, but when I was younger living in the SF Bay Area, I was hit on by men a lot and I enjoyed flirting with them because of that attraction. In my 64 years, if I could remember, I would say I've so openly hit on by a woman less than 6 times.
Blessings, back to the BB page for me

we live in a laboratory

So slowly and gradually cutting back on your pills might be a good experiment. Call your doctor for a professional opinion.

Meditate twice a day. Sit with your anxiety.

Hang in, everything changes.

Monkey Mind

It comes with the body. Striving to control it is like herding cats and will drive you crazy. I admire you for your effort to take the time to sit still and breathe. Have compassion for your wonderful self. When you notice your mind wander, name it, "My mind is wandering." Laugh at how that monkey just jumps around, and return to your breath. Of all the billions and billions of creatures born every second on this particular planet, what a blessing it is to be given this human body. Enjoy it.
I've studied the Feldenkrais Method as taught by Anat Baniel for several years. Your meditation can be expanded at any moment of the day by taking a moment to consider your body. It is always here and you are here because of it. "When I reach, how does my weight shift over my hip?" "What is my lower rib doing?" "How is this breath moving my knee?" The wonder is ever present. It brings you into the present and it gives your marvelous monkey mind something to do.
You have been given the gift of the HOCD. How many people do that? There is a uniqueness to ambiguous sexuality that is to be celebrated. There is a focus of purpose that OCD brings to us. Bring that focus to the gifts your body gives you. "My breath rate has increased and gotten shallow. My face is flushing. And, oh look! my fingers are getting numb. What's happening at my ankles?"
Raj-Rolls Royce-neesh said, "The mind is a wonderful tool and a terrible master." Anat says attention to the body will always bring you into the present.
Gawd, what a preacher I am. Thank you for being true and giving me this opportunity.


I appreciate the time you took to write but I am really not sure what you are getting at. And when you asked why I said I am happy that I am getting an erection around women is because when I was into porn heavily I couldn't maintain an erection. Of course I'm not going to be shoving it in her face being all cocky about it, but I am just happy for myself that I am actually getting an erection without porn for once.