Motionless karezza, and medical issues

Submitted by James Bonding on
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My wife has pretty much NO sex drive, and she used to try to limit me to half an hour of karezza, once a week or less. A few months ago we changed how we do karezza, and since then she's been willing to do it for about an hour, once or twice a week.

What we do now is: I enter in missionary position (it's easiest for me that way). Then we immediately swing one of her legs over my head, and we go into bridge position. Then she does Kegels, squeezing once every 3 - 4 seconds. She does that continuously for about 45 minutes. I find it kind of amazing that she has so much stamina, and she doesn't mind doing it at all.

Meanwhile, I just lie still and bliss out. I call it "motionless karezza." I make some sounds of contentment, to let her know that I'm enjoying it.

When she finally gets tired or bored, a couple times we just ended it right there, and I've been satisfied. But usually I will start moving to ramp up my arousal level (from about 3 to 5 from the motionless karezza, to around 7 or 8 with me moving). Usually I'll then ask her to turn on her side facing away from me so I can spoon her. I may move some more, then lie still and enjoy holding her while I wait until I soften up and fall out.

I find it really hard to get answers from my wife about what she likes about sex (not much, it would seem Sad ). So I don't really know, but I'm guessing the reason she can tolerate the motionless karezza for so long is that the Kegels give her something to do, something to occupy her mind, instead of just lying there passively, being bored with something that she has no interest in.

I'm pretty happy with this new way of doing karezza (compared with the old way where I did all the "work"). My arousal level is lower with the motionless karezza, but it's still enjoyable, and I certainly like the longer duration and more frequent karezza sessions.

About the medical issues: My wife has a sports injury which makes one of her hip joints uncomfortable if we have sex in the missionary position, with her spreading her leg out to the side.

Meanwhile, although I still have pretty strong erections sometimes when I wake up, they go away within seconds when I get up, and then it's somewhat difficult to get an erection again, and it's easy to lose it again. I've seen my doctor about it. He says it's pretty normal for someone my age (60's). He said he could prescribe some ED drugs. I declined. I can get an adequate erection by relaxing and cuddling with my wife for a few minutes, and/or by "fluffing" myself.

So, missionary position works best for me for soft or less-than-hard entry. Then we immediately go into bridge position, which doesn't cause discomfort for her hip joint, and also works very well for me, because the way we are pressed together in bridge position, I don't fall out even if I lose my erection. And with the continuous Kegels, I stay hard to semi-hard.



i think when you have more sex erections will improve

Erection issues....I disagree with your (all too typical) doctor's response...It's not "normal" at all. 

You will have great erections...that assumes no masturbation and no porn or fantasy. In that case, with just Karezza, erections will become easier and automatic. Do NOT test. Testing only ruins erections.

My wife has no sex drive either and doesn't feel much. But she has sex 4 times or more a week with me. We scheduled it and arrived at this happy medium. Occasionally she will be into it and have an orgasm. Maybe a few times a month.

I'm not sure why she lacks interest in sex, but I have largely gotten over it. Here's why...

I feel that sex is to her advantage also, as well as mine, despite her lack of feeling, and that she enjoys the closeness. I think there are good things that go on with sex even if her conscious mind doesn't perceive them. We have a very good happy marriage and I have a strong sex drive and without sex it would be very difficult for me.

Also, I am still hopeful she will one day take an interest in "improving" but that is all in my mind not hers, because she's perfectly happy with this arrangement it seems, and so am I.


Erections are highly overrated

There are several threads on the forum discussing making love with a soft penis, but I'll add my two cents here. In the last 5 1/2 years we have started intercourse with a soft penis (in the scissors position) 99% of the time. My beloved lays in her back and I lay on my left side. She applies a liberal dab of coconut oil to her vagina with a couple fingers, and I easily insert my penis in a few moments. Scissors position is probably the easiest way to stay firmly joined together with a soft penis. After we mastered the scissors position then we also started using the spoons position and settled on these two as our favorites. Both positions offer complete relaxation so that we can focus on the energy streaming between us..

Whether I have an erection or not during our lovemaking does not matter to either of us. Neither one of us even think about it because it's not an issue for us. An erection may come and go during our lovemaking, but I don't do anything to try to maintain it. Performance anxiety hinders complete relaxation and bliss. We both have an abundance of pleasure from the natural polarity and magnetism in our penis and vagina. My lover will sometimes have a rush of pleasure through her whole body with no movement at all. With a soft penis and stillness at the beginning it is much easier for her to relax and let her vagina open up.

Diana Richardson speaks to this point and several others in a recent interview.

Blissed thank you so much for

Blissed thank you so much for sharing your experience here on the forum. I just started having sex with my boyfriend and I would like to go this route - the energetic route - vs the friction route. We have tried scissors a couple of times. I really don't mind if we lay there in stillness in scissors without him having an erection. Admittedly , I don't feel a whole lot but Im willing to give this some time and see if I defrost so to speak. I'm hoping he will get become more open about it with time

Have faith in your bodies and each other

The penis and vagina have an innate wisdom of what to give to and receive from each other when we give them plenty of time together. What has also helped us a lot is to lay on our sides, facing, in each others arms, with our chests together, before intercourse. This really helps her vagina to warm up and open up.

My wife had such severe problems with friction-based sex in a previous marriage that she thought it would be impossible for her to ever be married again. We took our time, trusted our bodies, and we now have a love life that satisfies both of us completely. And our sensitivity during lovemaking, amazingly, continues to improve!!

I highly recommend Diana Richardson's book, Tantric Orgasm For Women.

All the best, diamondsoul22, to you and your partner!