Day 37

Submitted by JAS23 on
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Technically, this is day 37 without porn, but day 23 since I last masturbated (which I did not using porn). Progress has been good. The past week I've been noticing girls a lot more than I used to, so I know the reboot is in fact working. I've been hanging out with this one girl for the past few days. We haven't done anything sexual at all, just cuddling and making out here and there. She wants to wait for sex, which is great because I want to do this reboot 110%, so I'm waiting 3-5 months before I decide to maybe start having sex again.

I definitely get some full 100% erections whenever I cuddle with this girl. I actually find myself telling myself to calm down a bit because I don't want her to think I'm a pervert if she feels something from my end when we cuddle, haha.

I have some spikes from time to time, though. Had one yesterday, and I've had one today. It's not as bad as they used to be, but still there, just gradually getting weaker.

I had a thought that completely changed my mindset when it comes to this reboot. I just recently really thought hard about this particular thought and fully understood it: Not only is it a porn addiction, but it's also a masturbation addiction as well. Even when I had a great sex life with my girlfriends, I still masturbated a lot daily. It was an addiction to getting off, as much as I could, all the time.

And that's when I had another thought: When I spike, those bad thoughts always SEEM exciting in my head. I'm addicted to MASTURBATING to those bad thoughts. When I really and truly think about it when it comes to actually acting out those thoughts, I have no interest at all in doing that. None. I could spike and hire a shemale escort to come to my house. But I know for a fact that as soon as I open the door, I'd be disgusted, it would make me feel very weird and very uncomfortable, and I would shut the door.

That's one thing I just now realized: I truly don't want to act out these fantasies at all, no interest in doing so. But when it comes to masturbating to them, my brain likes to toy around with that idea, because it used to be a daily habit for years.

It's like this: Sometimes a person will piss me off so bad that I would love nothing more than to just grab a baseball bat and beat their face in. At first, my mind thinks it's a great idea. But after I calm down and think about it, I don't actually want to beat someone's face in with a baseball bat, I could never do that, I have no interest in doing that. That's just not me.

Comments

Next time it happens

that you have an erection while cuddling with your girlfriend, try squeezing her a bit tighter and saying "Hope you don't mind (about the erection)." See what she says. She might like it. If she has any experience with other guys, she probably knows that erections are normal.

You could also say, "Mr. Happy enjoys cuddling with you, too." And also explain that you don't expect her to DO anything about your erections.

It sounds like you have already discussed with each other your intentions regarding sex, and your plans are compatible. That's great. Do you feel _safe_ talking to her? Do you feel like you could tell her anything about yourself? If so, you could have a wonderful, long term relationship with her.

When you finally do decide to have sex, consider trying karezza - sex without orgasm, which is what this website was originally about. Many of us have observed that relationships go along a lot smoother with less drama when orgasms are out of the picture.