(Darryl) You ask what our process was when we chose to do karezza. Well, I was the one who started the process when I stumbled across some Taoist information recommending a non-orgasmic approach. I was struck by it right off, and although I had challenges mastering ejaculation control in the beginning I did not have trouble seeing how much better our lovemaking was without orgasm.
Karezza Korner's blog
(Darryl) Let me say a little bit about our journey. My wife and I never did the Exchanges. We embarked on this path about 13 years ago, before Cupid's Poisoned Arrow was even written. We flew by the seat of our pants with some basic information from Taoist sources. We arrived at the karezza approach simply by feel and found Marnia's information afterwards.
I need to know how you do it bro, your exact technique!! I presume that you just satisfy her without your penis first, and then move onto some karezza after, keeping you both happy? Also do you always get that lovely oxytocin cuddly warm buzz when you practice ? Its the best feeling in the world!
(Rachel) The other night I was lying next to my lover with my head on his chest and I was just lightly caressing his penis with my fingertips as I love to do. It was not done with the intent to arouse, but just to feel nice and he loves it (okay, who wouldn't, lol?).
In almost no time, he went from a soft penis to a full-on erection. And then he commented on how interesting it was to him that he could be lying there fully relaxed, breathing normally, and have such an erection.
(Rachel) I'm currently reading two books at once: Diana Richardson's "Slow Sex" and Barry Long's "To Woman In Love." They both talk about the woman's role in sex and love and how that role is to be the receptive and passive one, the one who is love, the one who receives the energy of man and soothes his soul.
[Soft entry is a technique discussed in Tantric Sex for Men. If a couple wants the benefits of connection even when an erection isn't present, the woman lubricates herself with almond oil (if necessary), and inserts the head of the penis into her vagina by gently grasping its head with her index and middle finger and popping it in.]
(Rachel) Yes, it works very, very well! A tad bit challenging to get the "magic wand" inside, but fun and funny to try it!
(Darryl) First, I want to say, I think you and your guy are doing fabulously. The full breadth of karezza takes time to master, and you two are moving along well. Part of the wonderfulness is finding your way as you explore. There is no right way to practice karezza, only your way. Each couple can figure out what's perfect for them.
I also think you're guy is a real keeper. When you expressed your desires to practice karezza it sounded like he really responded to you. This means he is receptive to you, your feminine intuition and wisdom, this is very good.
I started karezza with my gf on Tuesday and got completely blown away by the whole experience: the intimacy, the feeling, the lack of the hangover, and the accumlative process. It really is a hidden gem in relationship bonding. The only downside so far? Yes, u guessed it ...Blue balls!!! I've gone from having sex with my gf 3/4 times a day to not ejaculating, and I think they're suffering. Running cold water on them and visualizing energy being drained upwards does help a bit.
Some other concerns are:
(Darryl) A woman asked me this question:
I need great chemistry if I am to enter a relationship with someone. I think I found someone like that now and it may even be mutual, but he has a girlfriend (we are just friends). And even if he didn't I'm not sure, despite our chemistry, he would be right for me in the long run... Now, I met someone else who seems interested, and I am interested too, but not in the way I am in the other guy (right from the start). Would love your input.
(Rachel) As for oral sex, I have come to learn (through Diana Richardson's wonderful books) that for a woman, the way to open her up sexually is through her breasts, not her clitoris (and this has been such an affirmation of how I have always felt). When you put too much attention on the clitoris, it actually causes the vagina to contract, not relax and become welcoming. She says if you *are* going to direct attention to that area, it is much better to do it after things have already warmed up, so to speak.