KeenLiving's blog

Day 1 another go at this

Submitted by KeenLiving on

Hello all. I was on this site a while ago, and made some headway with trying to get away from PMO. I've been up and down with it over the past few months but never really managed to pick up as much steam with it as I had at the beginning. So I'm trying again now with more effort, gunna try and keep reading articles and using the red x technique and stuff to try and keep from losing focus.

This is my day 1, just a quick update to get the ball rolling.

general vent

Submitted by KeenLiving on

I think it's been a couple of months since my last entry, i could check but i cba. iv been doing pretty badly recently, haven't even tried really to try with my reboot. have made it a few days and that but thats it. i've been feeling pretty down lately, well, really down. i've just in the last day or so come out of that stage of being depressed where nothing feels real. for the past, i dont even know, 6 weeks? iv felt as if ive just been walking around in a dream. nothing felt real at all, and so i stopped caring about everything, reboot included.

relapsed :( starting again

Submitted by KeenLiving on

This should be day 27, but instead it is day, well actually day 0, as I relapsed late last night which was technically very early this morning. Day one will be tomorrow then.

It's very much my own fault, as I had some of a friend's spliff (marijuana cigarette if anyone is unfamiliar with that term) and got way more stoned than I'd intended too. In my stoned state I just didn't have the self-control or sense that I usually do and relapsed twice.

no pmo - day 22 pretty crappy day

Submitted by KeenLiving on

Today has been completely unproductive. I didn't go to lectures that I should have went to, and have felt depressed and numb all day. Only just starting to feel a bit more normal now. Have barely left my room. I should have used some tactic to sort my mood out but it just didn't seem the type of mood which would disappear. One phrase I read on here a while ago, "This too shall pass.", has kept things in perspective. I know this is only a temporary thing, and as I have no real reason to feel depressed today, I can guess that it's just because of the reboot.

no pmo - day 21

Submitted by KeenLiving on

So I've now made it to 3 weeks :)

My moods have been a little up and down, though I've been generally positive. I was out last night and I was on pretty good form. I didn't have the confidence to go up and talk to any girls really but i spoke to one and got a cheeky kiss.

Today I've felt really good though. Was travelling on the train and started talking to this girl while queuing and I was getting hard just from talking to her. She was nice looking, not amazing, but just talking to her face on was really nice.

no pmo - day 19

Submitted by KeenLiving on

I've had quite strong urges the last couple of nights. Found myself forgetting why I'm doing this and really wanting to search for p. Fortunately each time I've managed to tell myself no, or to use my version of the red x technique, which sounds extremely nerdy but basically I launch massive dragonball z style ki attacks at the images in my mind haha. It worked anyways.

What's strange is that my morning wood has been absent for the last couple of days, and the urges have set in. I would've thought they would coincide, but I guess not.

no pmo day 15

Submitted by KeenLiving on

I've passed the two week mark! It's actually went quite quickly.

It's still been pretty smooth sailing though, so I have really got my guard up at the moment! I have noticed subtle differences so far. It is definitely easier talking to people, feels more natural. These are just friends though, I haven't approached any random girls since I've started this.