Freeing Women in 'Sexual Lockdown'

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By Donna Philippe, Kevin's wife

Karezza style lovemaking, relaxed gentle intercourse without the goal of climax, is a sumptuous feast to be consumed one sensual taste at a time. But a woman who is in sexual “lockdown” (the inability to feel sexual desire and sustained arousal) can’t seem to take the first awakening step on this journey. I was one of the millions of women in this locked-down condition. Until now.

My marriage to my second husband brought a spark of light back into my soul and gave me new hope for love. He found me twenty years ago, and true to the knight that he is, rescued me, carried me off and made me his bride. He still calls me his “bride” to this day. He helped me to laugh and smile again. We adored each other from the first moment we met and became best friends and soul mates for life.We started out having really hot, passionate sex, but after a few years we began to have problems. We were drifting apart, experiencing conflict and the sex was becoming less and less satisfying. We couldn’t figure out what went wrong or how to fix it.

We tried everything, including trying to have bigger and better orgasms, but nothing was working, until I found the Karezza approach to sexuality through www.reuniting.info and Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow – from Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. We were both instantly ready to learn the skill of Karezza style lovemaking and put it into practice. It worked beyond our wildest dreams and brought harmony, peace and healing to our relationship.

We discovered that there really isn’t any more intense, potent, electric source of physical pleasure we can access than our own sexuality. My husband and I are both following our pure desire and have learned to slowly steep in sensual arousal and pleasure.

His delight is to honor and fulfill my feminine version of orgasm, which is my body’s ability to receive and respond to unending ecstatic delight, without climax. And the reward is a vibrant life of enjoyment, which soothes that deep gnawing hunger that is in all of us. We only have to open to it.

But how does a woman in lockdown open to her innate sexual desire? Here’s how my awakening to desire happened.

The secret is the miraculous clitoris, endowed with eight thousand nerve endings and incredible sensations. What the clitoris really yearns for is to be stroked and touched, but not with a vibrator, his finger, or even his tongue. The clitoris is designed to be stimulated by his natural, magical penis. Its silky head is perfect for the most superb ecstasy ever imagined.

I’ll never forget the first time my Karezza lover (Kevin) was able to touch my clitoris long and slow with the head of his penis. We were naked, lying down side by side, and I wrapped my leg over his. While we were tenderly kissing, he slowly and gently began to glide his penis on and all around my clitoris. I got so turned on and wet! “There was a there there” as Nicole Daedone said in her book, Slow Sex. The there brought back an ancient memory of the sweet, tender raptures of desire I felt as a young girl, desires that were never fulfilled in this way, until now. I knew right then that I wanted to live there every day of my life, as a turned on woman.

But unless a man can learn the skill of non-ejaculatory sex, he will never be able to give this ultimate bliss to a woman. Most men, perhaps at just at the sight of a vagina and its luscious clitoris, will ejaculate too soon. In fact, regular sex is usually “penis” plus “naked woman” equals “ejaculation”.

So ladies, if you are living in a state of sexual lockdown, I am offering you the world’s best kept secret. Request that your man learn Karezza, sex without ejaculation. Then he will be able to very slowly and gently stimulate your clitoris with the head of his penis for an extended period of time. Ever imagined that would be possible? But it’s true; a man can learn this skill. He is biologically capable of it and many men have successfully achieved this.

The exponentially increased ecstatic bliss possible through this practice is something you probably have never felt before if you are still engaging in regular sex and climax. This is the key to arousal for a woman: “head of penis” deliciously gliding around on “clitoris” and frequent dips into wet, slippery vagina, equals “all-natural awakening of desire”.

A man’s penis is home-grown, 100% organic, vibrant with his natural energy, no artificial ingredients and no additives. The penis is the perfect design to do this for a woman because it is an electrically charged sender of life-force energy. It is God’s gift to women, if men will use it to serve her, rather than to serve the goal of release, as in standard sex.

Karezza lovemaking is connected, earthy, sensual, artistic and delicious beyond expectation. And once I sank my teeth into that blushing, ripe, succulent peach right off the Tree of Life and felt the juice dripping down my chin, I will never again settle for a pale, tasteless, unripened one from the corner grocery.

If you want to open up to greater sexual energy and vitality in your body, ask your man to give you all the clitoral stimulation you want, with his head, for as long as you want it. Just don’t let yourself “go over”. Here’s a tip on how to avoid going over into climax: While the clitoris is being stroked, the sexual energy will build. Pay attention! When you get to the “edge”…STOP! Not one more move. Move his penis away from your clitoris; hold each other and kiss, cuddle and bond. Then, after a few minutes of letting the energy settle, go back to the slow stimulation. Continue this, over and over, for as long as you can. Give him “how-to” directions of what feels best to you and absorb all the pleasure you can take.

Then, after you feel completely satisfied (maybe an hour or so), have your Karezza man get inside you in scissors position and just rest there in stillness for a while. At this point, the penis and the vagina, in their state of heightened arousal, will begin to have a lively “conversation”, a tete-a-tete of subtle, exquisite sensations. These powerfully invigorating electromagnetic currents begin to flow back and forth between the two of you and this is what “grounds” the energy. This ensures that you will not be left with any feelings of frustration or wild, untamed energy or dissatisfaction.

This “plugging in” balances the male and the female energies and leaves you both feeling deliciously relaxed, bonded, content and peaceful. And in calmly ending this way, you are recharging, rather than discharging, your tank full of generated energy and it becomes your fuel for the day.

I am learning how to extract all the delight and sensual bliss I could possibly want with my Karezza lover and it just seems to get better each day. His penis is hard, moist and swollen with primal life-force energy, which radiates throughout my entire body. When I get to my edge, without heading for climax, I tell him what I want next so I can allow myself to marinate and float in that place. I can reach for his penis and it’s mine to do with as I please, as he holds the space for me to saturate myself with exquisite feelings of rapture. We both look forward to our sessions of Karezza sex for at least an hour or more every day.

The clitoris and the penis are a match made in heaven for the awakening of a woman in sexual lockdown. You will just know for yourself that this is true, from your own experience. Don’t settle for the high speed, sizzling and climactic version of peak orgasm any longer. There is natural sexual desire in you and in every woman and it can be brought to the surface by trying this slow, unhurried approach.

This is an experience that women have been missing for thousands of years. We have lived in a state of pleasure deficiency. How could we ever have this realization when the goal is orgasm and ejaculation? Instead, we need the lingering, extended time and the permission to leisurely absorb the sensation we are hungry for. What we don’t need is Viagra for Women, G-spot implants, expensive vibrators, and bigger, mind-blowing orgasms for complete female satisfaction.

But this awakening of sexual desire is only the beginning, a tasty little appetizer. If you have never consciously felt this hunger and think you don’t “have the drive”, this information will open you up sexually like you’ve never felt before. This blissful journey will reveal itself to you one delicious moment after another. It’s naturally built into all of us.

This form of slow lovemaking helped my husband and me get in touch with the deepest, yet most hidden desire of humanity—to feel our buried hunger for joy and intimacy—to live orgasmically, in every moment. It is our birthright to plug into the elixir of life through extended orgasmic rapture with each other. This is the very desire that drives the creative fire of the universe and fills us with vibrancy and aliveness.

We are supposed to feel this drive through our sexuality, with the sense of touch in our bodies. By joining the opposite polarities, the two flames become one and create the frequency of love. But sadly, millions of women are now where I was, turned off, locked down, and even unaware of our yearning for intimacy, for rich nourishing sex and a richer life.

So many women I know are saying, “I’m done with sex. There was never anything in it for me. It has been the disappointment of my life and I’m through with being used as a sperm spittoon.” It is true that many of us had an agenda when we were young. We may have used men for “baby gravy” and paychecks. But once we have lived out the consequences of those choices, we are discouraged and don’t even want to try again. It seems so hopeless. How could we ever find the sweet joy that every part of us is crying out for, when we can’t even hear it anymore?

I was one of the many women who deeply love their partners, but continued to have conventional sex to please him. I felt that if I didn’t initiate sex and “perform”, my husband would be hurt and disappointed with me, and in himself, if he couldn’t give me a climactic orgasm. He might feel that I didn’t love him. So I always offered him sex and “worked it up” so he wouldn’t suspect that I couldn’t feel any sexual drive.

So it was a delightful surprise for me to discover that I really did have desire for sexual fulfillment. It had been asleep, dormant and buried deep in my body. I had been told by a sex therapist that I was “frigid” in my previous marriage because I didn’t have sexual desire and my vagina was dry and painful. But with our Karezza sex, all of those problems have magically disappeared because my lover has given me the reigns to go for my own gratification, rather than his. Amazingly, this has resulted in sexual fulfillment for both of us.

Prior to finding Karezza, I had long lost my ability to follow my natural desires, the fuel of life, which draws the bee toward the flower. Pure desire is the natural order of things. Every living thing is designed to follow its embedded impulse and become an evolving model of itself in the process.

But sadly, in my lifeless, unawakened state, I would say to my husband, “I’m so sorry, I wish I had more drive, like men do, but I just can’t find it inside myself. I’ve really tried, but I don’t even know where to look.” Fortunately, through Karezza sex, I discovered my innate yearning for sexual arousal and it is unfathomably deep and nourishing.

One of the most rewarding and gratifying results of my opening to sexual desire is the changes I have seen in my beloved in such a short time. He seems to have melted into me. He has embraced me so deeply and intimately that we are both drenched with the magnificence of sexual contentment.

To him, the old program of standard sex with orgasm and ejaculation felt like an itch that could never be scratched. But with Karezza, the restless urge to ejaculate is gone. It is his gift to serve the feminine in me with the time and attention I need to thrive in sex and in life. And he is receiving something from me that he had never experienced…something that men really need and want…the syrupy, sweet satisfaction of a genuinely turned-on woman.

Karezza men report that there is actually more satisfaction for them in slow sex than in regular sex, which is fast, furious and climactic. When a woman is opened to his calm, unhurried sexual embrace, a man begins to touch the luminous splendor of feminine essence for the first time. This is the treasure that profoundly restores and heals the heart and soul of a man.

Through Karezza sex, men and women can discover their mutual, delightful “sweet spot” and it will touch that deep, hidden yearning for expansion into the frequency of love and bonding. Our bodies are made for this. It took my lover only a few months to learn non-ejaculatory sex so he could honor me in this feminine way.

The only way to know if what I am saying is accurate is to try it yourself! If you feel bored with your life, as though you’re eating and eating and never feel full, Karezza is real food, a full course gourmet meal, including a decadent, sugary dessert. The place to look for help in relearning how to be truly touched and enlivened with your lover is slow sex!

So educate yourself and your man about Karezza lovemaking. It can rescue a woman from the withering state of sexual lockdown.

Now that the planet is teeming with underfed, underloved human beings, it may be the time to master this ancient alternative and add it to our lovemaking repertoire. Sex and intimate relationships are two of life’s most valuable treasures.-- From: “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow” by Marnia Robinson

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Comments

Thanks for writing

But im having difficulty understanding this. Are you saying this process was a key to unlocking your sexuality earlier on in your karezza life, or that its something you do lately as part of your love making?

Also while we have used shaft to clitoris touch extensively in our pre karezza life, the idea of touching it with the head of my penis is a bit worrying. My tip is very sensitive right now, gets more sensitive each day i don't misuse it. Her clitoral area is hairy and prickly and i don't think that will be nice at all.

Mowing the grass

[Her clitoral area is hairy and prickly and i don't think that will be nice at all.[/quote]
You can do something about that problem.

One of my responsibilities around here is to keep the grass mowed and that doesn't just mean the lawn outside it means keeping my mates' playground trimmed as well. It is something we have been doing forever and we, neither one, could imagine having bushes growing up and getting in the way.

Maybe the rash would disappear with frequency

I have recently become "the gardener" once again for my wife. It's something we did a couple of times early in our marriage, and took it up again recently with our renewed relationship. I do it because she enjoys the feeling of bare skin so much, as do I. I shave her also because of the mutual enjoyment, as well as it's frankly just easier for me than it is for her. She had a rash at first, but it's disappearing. There are creams on the market for shaving sensitive areas. They might help you. I've also learned to be more gentle. Try it, you'll like it, very much.

Cocoa butter

Try using 100% pure cocoa butter after you get finished and dried off, it really works, not only for this application but it is great for a pre-lube before PVI!

lol

Yes, we just keep ours trimmed up so as not becomes jungles, but otherwise, no shaving (I shave around the outside of my bikini line because I do wear a bathing suit in the summer) and no problems with chafing or anything uncomfortable~~

I enjoyed this article

and want to try this. But a really locked down partner doesn't want me to examine her clit. In fact it's very difficult for me to find her clit as it's really under there. And she isn't that interested (kinda by definition) and feels funny about it. So I have to proceed slowly. I have read that some women's clitoris is more "under the hood" than others. Ahh, it's a fun project to work on anyway :)

Its interesting

Isn't it interesting what you can learn about your partner, even years on. If she doesn't like you looking, that would be a real sign that there's shame stored there. If it was me id be thinking of this as progress, at least you know what you are dealing with!

Writing

I love Donna's writing here and I can feel her passion coming through my computer screen! I think it is wonderful that you both have found the *key* to freeing yourselves and just letting go.

The only thing I would like to say is for me, at least, attention to the clitoris causes the opposite effect...that is, it causes my vagina to restrict rather than open to lovemaking. And so it may be for other women as well (just want to mention it because what works for one may not work for another).

For some of us, the key to opening the body is through the breasts...that has been my situation and it has changed my life forever now that I know how my body works.

We all have to be aware and experience things and test them for ourselves. I'm glad the two of you have found something that allows you to join together and finally be free of pain and the past!

Awakening process

Thanks all for the responses to Donna's testimony. We know that direct clitoral stimulation goes against the philosophy and traditional goal of the slow approach to karezza lovemaking. And that Diana Richardson suggests that a couple go through awakening the genitals on a more meditative/ breast oriented energetic level. Yet, we feel that advice is specifically directed to women who have already had an active, enjoyable sex life. In our experience, especially for women who have had to endure the "duty sex" role for many years, there is often a genuine lockdown or resistance to being touched in this way. How can they ever get past the fear and resistence when all they've expereinced in sex is unfulfillment and frustration? Painful penetration during sex needs heightened energy and the tender touch of a caring, filled up man to begin the awakening.

Now that the opening of Donna's arousal and pleasure has begun, she naturally requires less and less direct stimulation. It's been an organic process of discovery through trial and error. And each day brings a new level of pleasure and enjoyment for both of us. It really does feel like we're teenagers, making out. We really owe a debt of gratitude to Darryl and Annabelle for coaching us in this process. Sometimes I feel that the art of Karezza is something that (at certain times) requires a personal coach. One can learn only so much from books, but having an experienced person to talk to made all the difference for us.

A little confused

I am trying to figure out the difference between the age-old practice of tantric sex and karezza. Is it the same thing with just a modern name or is there actually a difference?

Also, with respect to some of the responses regarding bush down there, shaving actually makes the pubic area prickly. If you let it grow or just trim it, it wont be that prickly.

Good question

I know this article isn't directly on point, but I think it'll point to the differences as I see them: Comparing Neo-Daoism with Karezza

I don't say much about "tantra" because there are so many types that the term is practically meaningless. The Richardson version is similar to what we talk about on this site (see Tantric Sex For Men) but many versions of tantra are just about more and bigger orgasms. See Feuerstein's essay on this: http://santosha.com/moksha/tantrism1.html