By Donna Philippe, Kevin's wife
Karezza style lovemaking, relaxed gentle intercourse without the goal of climax, is a sumptuous feast to be consumed one sensual taste at a time. But a woman who is in sexual “lockdown” (the inability to feel sexual desire and sustained arousal) can’t seem to take the first awakening step on this journey. I was one of the millions of women in this locked-down condition. Until now.
My marriage to my second husband brought a spark of light back into my soul and gave me new hope for love. He found me twenty years ago, and true to the knight that he is, rescued me, carried me off and made me his bride. He still calls me his “bride” to this day. He helped me to laugh and smile again. We adored each other from the first moment we met and became best friends and soul mates for life.We started out having really hot, passionate sex, but after a few years we began to have problems. We were drifting apart, experiencing conflict and the sex was becoming less and less satisfying. We couldn’t figure out what went wrong or how to fix it.
We tried everything, including trying to have bigger and better orgasms, but nothing was working, until I found the Karezza approach to sexuality through www.reuniting.info and Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow – from Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. We were both instantly ready to learn the skill of Karezza style lovemaking and put it into practice. It worked beyond our wildest dreams and brought harmony, peace and healing to our relationship.
We discovered that there really isn’t any more intense, potent, electric source of physical pleasure we can access than our own sexuality. My husband and I are both following our pure desire and have learned to slowly steep in sensual arousal and pleasure.
His delight is to honor and fulfill my feminine version of orgasm, which is my body’s ability to receive and respond to unending ecstatic delight, without climax. And the reward is a vibrant life of enjoyment, which soothes that deep gnawing hunger that is in all of us. We only have to open to it.
But how does a woman in lockdown open to her innate sexual desire? Here’s how my awakening to desire happened.
The secret is the miraculous clitoris, endowed with eight thousand nerve endings and incredible sensations. What the clitoris really yearns for is to be stroked and touched, but not with a vibrator, his finger, or even his tongue. The clitoris is designed to be stimulated by his natural, magical penis. Its silky head is perfect for the most superb ecstasy ever imagined.
I’ll never forget the first time my Karezza lover (Kevin) was able to touch my clitoris long and slow with the head of his penis. We were naked, lying down side by side, and I wrapped my leg over his. While we were tenderly kissing, he slowly and gently began to glide his penis on and all around my clitoris. I got so turned on and wet! “There was a there there” as Nicole Daedone said in her book, Slow Sex. The there brought back an ancient memory of the sweet, tender raptures of desire I felt as a young girl, desires that were never fulfilled in this way, until now. I knew right then that I wanted to live there every day of my life, as a turned on woman.
But unless a man can learn the skill of non-ejaculatory sex, he will never be able to give this ultimate bliss to a woman. Most men, perhaps at just at the sight of a vagina and its luscious clitoris, will ejaculate too soon. In fact, regular sex is usually “penis” plus “naked woman” equals “ejaculation”.
So ladies, if you are living in a state of sexual lockdown, I am offering you the world’s best kept secret. Request that your man learn Karezza, sex without ejaculation. Then he will be able to very slowly and gently stimulate your clitoris with the head of his penis for an extended period of time. Ever imagined that would be possible? But it’s true; a man can learn this skill. He is biologically capable of it and many men have successfully achieved this.
The exponentially increased ecstatic bliss possible through this practice is something you probably have never felt before if you are still engaging in regular sex and climax. This is the key to arousal for a woman: “head of penis” deliciously gliding around on “clitoris” and frequent dips into wet, slippery vagina, equals “all-natural awakening of desire”.
A man’s penis is home-grown, 100% organic, vibrant with his natural energy, no artificial ingredients and no additives. The penis is the perfect design to do this for a woman because it is an electrically charged sender of life-force energy. It is God’s gift to women, if men will use it to serve her, rather than to serve the goal of release, as in standard sex.
Karezza lovemaking is connected, earthy, sensual, artistic and delicious beyond expectation. And once I sank my teeth into that blushing, ripe, succulent peach right off the Tree of Life and felt the juice dripping down my chin, I will never again settle for a pale, tasteless, unripened one from the corner grocery.
If you want to open up to greater sexual energy and vitality in your body, ask your man to give you all the clitoral stimulation you want, with his head, for as long as you want it. Just don’t let yourself “go over”. Here’s a tip on how to avoid going over into climax: While the clitoris is being stroked, the sexual energy will build. Pay attention! When you get to the “edge”…STOP! Not one more move. Move his penis away from your clitoris; hold each other and kiss, cuddle and bond. Then, after a few minutes of letting the energy settle, go back to the slow stimulation. Continue this, over and over, for as long as you can. Give him “how-to” directions of what feels best to you and absorb all the pleasure you can take.
Then, after you feel completely satisfied (maybe an hour or so), have your Karezza man get inside you in scissors position and just rest there in stillness for a while. At this point, the penis and the vagina, in their state of heightened arousal, will begin to have a lively “conversation”, a tete-a-tete of subtle, exquisite sensations. These powerfully invigorating electromagnetic currents begin to flow back and forth between the two of you and this is what “grounds” the energy. This ensures that you will not be left with any feelings of frustration or wild, untamed energy or dissatisfaction.
This “plugging in” balances the male and the female energies and leaves you both feeling deliciously relaxed, bonded, content and peaceful. And in calmly ending this way, you are recharging, rather than discharging, your tank full of generated energy and it becomes your fuel for the day.
I am learning how to extract all the delight and sensual bliss I could possibly want with my Karezza lover and it just seems to get better each day. His penis is hard, moist and swollen with primal life-force energy, which radiates throughout my entire body. When I get to my edge, without heading for climax, I tell him what I want next so I can allow myself to marinate and float in that place. I can reach for his penis and it’s mine to do with as I please, as he holds the space for me to saturate myself with exquisite feelings of rapture. We both look forward to our sessions of Karezza sex for at least an hour or more every day.
The clitoris and the penis are a match made in heaven for the awakening of a woman in sexual lockdown. You will just know for yourself that this is true, from your own experience. Don’t settle for the high speed, sizzling and climactic version of peak orgasm any longer. There is natural sexual desire in you and in every woman and it can be brought to the surface by trying this slow, unhurried approach.
This is an experience that women have been missing for thousands of years. We have lived in a state of pleasure deficiency. How could we ever have this realization when the goal is orgasm and ejaculation? Instead, we need the lingering, extended time and the permission to leisurely absorb the sensation we are hungry for. What we don’t need is Viagra for Women, G-spot implants, expensive vibrators, and bigger, mind-blowing orgasms for complete female satisfaction.
But this awakening of sexual desire is only the beginning, a tasty little appetizer. If you have never consciously felt this hunger and think you don’t “have the drive”, this information will open you up sexually like you’ve never felt before. This blissful journey will reveal itself to you one delicious moment after another. It’s naturally built into all of us.
This form of slow lovemaking helped my husband and me get in touch with the deepest, yet most hidden desire of humanity—to feel our buried hunger for joy and intimacy—to live orgasmically, in every moment. It is our birthright to plug into the elixir of life through extended orgasmic rapture with each other. This is the very desire that drives the creative fire of the universe and fills us with vibrancy and aliveness.
We are supposed to feel this drive through our sexuality, with the sense of touch in our bodies. By joining the opposite polarities, the two flames become one and create the frequency of love. But sadly, millions of women are now where I was, turned off, locked down, and even unaware of our yearning for intimacy, for rich nourishing sex and a richer life.
So many women I know are saying, “I’m done with sex. There was never anything in it for me. It has been the disappointment of my life and I’m through with being used as a sperm spittoon.” It is true that many of us had an agenda when we were young. We may have used men for “baby gravy” and paychecks. But once we have lived out the consequences of those choices, we are discouraged and don’t even want to try again. It seems so hopeless. How could we ever find the sweet joy that every part of us is crying out for, when we can’t even hear it anymore?
I was one of the many women who deeply love their partners, but continued to have conventional sex to please him. I felt that if I didn’t initiate sex and “perform”, my husband would be hurt and disappointed with me, and in himself, if he couldn’t give me a climactic orgasm. He might feel that I didn’t love him. So I always offered him sex and “worked it up” so he wouldn’t suspect that I couldn’t feel any sexual drive.
So it was a delightful surprise for me to discover that I really did have desire for sexual fulfillment. It had been asleep, dormant and buried deep in my body. I had been told by a sex therapist that I was “frigid” in my previous marriage because I didn’t have sexual desire and my vagina was dry and painful. But with our Karezza sex, all of those problems have magically disappeared because my lover has given me the reigns to go for my own gratification, rather than his. Amazingly, this has resulted in sexual fulfillment for both of us.
Prior to finding Karezza, I had long lost my ability to follow my natural desires, the fuel of life, which draws the bee toward the flower. Pure desire is the natural order of things. Every living thing is designed to follow its embedded impulse and become an evolving model of itself in the process.
But sadly, in my lifeless, unawakened state, I would say to my husband, “I’m so sorry, I wish I had more drive, like men do, but I just can’t find it inside myself. I’ve really tried, but I don’t even know where to look.” Fortunately, through Karezza sex, I discovered my innate yearning for sexual arousal and it is unfathomably deep and nourishing.
One of the most rewarding and gratifying results of my opening to sexual desire is the changes I have seen in my beloved in such a short time. He seems to have melted into me. He has embraced me so deeply and intimately that we are both drenched with the magnificence of sexual contentment.
To him, the old program of standard sex with orgasm and ejaculation felt like an itch that could never be scratched. But with Karezza, the restless urge to ejaculate is gone. It is his gift to serve the feminine in me with the time and attention I need to thrive in sex and in life. And he is receiving something from me that he had never experienced…something that men really need and want…the syrupy, sweet satisfaction of a genuinely turned-on woman.
Karezza men report that there is actually more satisfaction for them in slow sex than in regular sex, which is fast, furious and climactic. When a woman is opened to his calm, unhurried sexual embrace, a man begins to touch the luminous splendor of feminine essence for the first time. This is the treasure that profoundly restores and heals the heart and soul of a man.
Through Karezza sex, men and women can discover their mutual, delightful “sweet spot” and it will touch that deep, hidden yearning for expansion into the frequency of love and bonding. Our bodies are made for this. It took my lover only a few months to learn non-ejaculatory sex so he could honor me in this feminine way.
The only way to know if what I am saying is accurate is to try it yourself! If you feel bored with your life, as though you’re eating and eating and never feel full, Karezza is real food, a full course gourmet meal, including a decadent, sugary dessert. The place to look for help in relearning how to be truly touched and enlivened with your lover is slow sex!
So educate yourself and your man about Karezza lovemaking. It can rescue a woman from the withering state of sexual lockdown.
Now that the planet is teeming with underfed, underloved human beings, it may be the time to master this ancient alternative and add it to our lovemaking repertoire. Sex and intimate relationships are two of life’s most valuable treasures.-- From: “Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow” by Marnia Robinson