Day 16, staying strong.
Well into the holidays, enjoying myself not doing much. I've started working on a website and am selling stuff on ebay for fun. Making money is always fun.
Had a few quite strong urges during the past few days, including randomly waking up at 1:00 with my heart pounding with a strong urge for porn- even edged against the bed and was about to search porn but I thought "damn it I don't want to screw up at 2 weeks again".
Other than that my willpower is a little shaky at times, but I just try to not think about PMO and if I ever do, I try to make myself realize that there's not much point in it as 1) I'll feel terrible afterwards and 2) It'll waste all my effort in getting so far.
The biggest problem (for me at least) is when I feel upset/hopeless/just-negative-in-general et cetera. I felt like that this morning, but practiced a bit of music and felt good again.
I should spend more time outside. Not in terms of exercise but just generally meeting people or even time in nature. I do enjoy working on my online 'experiments' and such but sitting down for 8 hours gets you upset. As I have moved to Australia a few months ago it's been a little weird leaving all my old friends behind and making new friends since everyone already has their tight groups. Still though, I've got people I can hang out with after school, so that's alright. I just skyped one of my old friends in Dubai for a couple of hours, made me feel happier.
Not much else to write about. I guess I'm just checking in again to strengthen my resolve just in case.
Tomorrow for me will officially be the end of screwing around and relaxing, going to get a lot of revision for school done. I've also stopped meditating and 'staying in the now' which is really bad as they have, for most of the part, kept away any negative emotions including anxiety when talking to girls (the great young male dilemma)/doing a presentation etc.
In conclusion to this long and boring essay I'll do the following:
- First thing in the morning: meditate (unless I have a gym session, then it's after lifting)
- 2-4 hours revision every day
And then I'll be free to work on what I like working on (music, website work, etc)
Sorry for this long and boring post, but I guess that's what a blog is for