A Realization of My Goals

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I was hit with this one thought this morning. I don't want to have great sex. I don't want to have what is commonly thought of as "sex" at all. I want to transcend it and become one with the soul of my lover - surrender to him and to love - and connect with the oneness that is the spirit of everything. The question is, is that just up to me? Or do I have to rely on him to figure these things out too? Is this something I can attain on my own? Or is he, and his state of mind, dependent on this as well?

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Journey

It's really your own journey, I think. He can follow along with you or not~~that will be up to him. But what amazes me is how two people can benefit from each other's presence...you don't have to say anything in words, but the one who shines the brightest light will be followed. It can work both ways and it's lovely when it does!

The Brightest Light

Been thinking on that a lot lately and I think there is a lot of truth to it. Still trying to figure out what it all means to me and organize my thoughts though. I think I've been leading but also that I'm afraid to lead - to be too pushy perhaps. Pushy women never seem to be well received, do they? Hmm. Thanks for the reply. :)

Brightest light

If you are following your own path...not in words, but in actions (allowing yourself to be in the moment, loving the present as it is, loving yourself as a beautiful woman)...that is all you can do. You can't be pushy if you are living in the moment with no expectations~~being pushy means you are trying to change someone (for the future) and at that point, you are no longer in the moment.

But when you are no longer possessed by your mind and letting each moment unfold, it's very calming, very enticing to others. And that is what I mean being drawn to the light.

How?

Just a few thoughts....you said you don't want this bonding between your souls to take place via sex. You also said you want to be submissive, which is good but i am not sure what the surrender will consist of. And you asked if both of you need to be in agreement about it or you can obtain a state of oneness with your lover on your own.
How and or why, can you, and why would you, think this something you can do on your own, without your lover?

Misunderstanding there...

When I said I didn't want to have what is commonly thought of as sex, I didn't mean no love making. To me, there is a really big difference. And surrendering to love consists of not having walls, not being afraid to be vulnerable, letting honesty rule, etc.

Making love is more than a

Making love is more than a gratuitous sex act, right? We've all had sex that had very little to do with love - even if it was with a person we did actually love at the time. On this site, sex could be thought of as an act of chasing dopamine while love is seen as bonding with another person. Love and sex are two separate things thanks to our bio/social programming. But I don't believe that's the way it is supposed to be nor is it that way it has to be. Ego driven copulation is sex. Selfless (or ego-less) copulation is truly making love.

Good points

It seems as though we tend to avoid that 's' word when we want to talk about making love. It just doesn't have a good ring to it. In fact after we had made the switch to Karezza my wife said " this is so good, I don't think we can even call it sex anymore" which I totally agreed with. But, truth is we still do partake in "sexual intercourse" each and every time we make love or Karezza or........
So whatever you call it, it's good and it is special but let's not call it sex. LOL