RED ALERT,how to get out from maze of horror?

Submitted by ljermontov on
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I am totally messed up today.After one month reboot followed by a lousy sex I went into a relapse,and started reboot again.Today is my day 6 ,and it was hard,felt so horny,did not masturbate,but pressing my penis on the bed caused erection,struggle with the fantasies were hard,I went on Online dating site and saw a few naked girls,and then I remembered my oath to God,went out of bed,started working small repairs around the house just to keep myself busy. I am in a long distance relationship with the girl who is bipolar.I like her and I wouldn't do anythyng to harm her,she even understands my reboot now.I comfort her,I say nice words to her,I give her hope,but it is hard.She is allways speaking about the suicide,she can't sleep all night and if I don't talk with her from 22.00h-05.00h she threatens that she will do something to herself.So I am exhausted,feel sleepy all days,because I am afraid for her.Her family doesn't care for her even though she tried poisoning with pills few times,few years ago ,she even spend some time in psichiatric clinic.I want to get out from this hell,but I do not know how,I don't want to cause her to kill herself. Plus, today my friend wants to hook me up with his cousin,I know that girl is smart,serious,religious and good looking.I would really want to go out with her,I would want her to be my girlfriend,and I know for the fact she likes me(she told that to my sister) but I am afraid.I am in the reboot and what if I won't be able to perform,I do not get aroused when I am with the real person,I feel sex like something I have to do,like labour,I feel like an observer in sex,and on porn I get so hard.I want to get well and heal with my reboot,but how I can do that while having a girl,what she will think about a man not able to perform.I want her,but I am full anxiety and when I think on my performance anxiety and PMO caused ED,I get horrified.HOW TO FIND REASONABLE SOLUTION FROM THIS MESS?WHAT IS RIGHT ANSWER?


slow down

Everything seems to be mixed up because you are approaching this in a panic state of mind

Slow down.

You need to successfully reboot before having sex with someone else.

You can have sexual contact but you don't want to put yourself in a situation where you have to maintain an erection, penetrate the girl and have sex to orgasm.

That isn't good for you right now.

It's like you are going on a trip somewhere, you have to pack first. You need to buy your ticket. If you show up at the airport without packing a suitcase and without a ticket you won't be going anywhere.

You need to stay away from PMO, away from sex that demands that you perform, and not try to pretend you don't have a problem and put yourself in a situation where performance is required.

I'm concerned that you have this relationship with a mentally ill person. I think that is a huge issue for you. How can you get out of that? Have you seen a counselor who can help you? This seems a logical step to me.

Read YourBrainOnPorn. Don't try to think you can short cut this. You can't. You've had years of your brain becoming wired for porn. It isn't going to rewire without patiently following the process.

Thnx,Emerson I really

Thnx,Emerson I really panicked.I know my reboot is an ongoing process,and it needs time.What do you think about this idea:Not thinking about the problem usually solves the problem.I read it today.You gave me nice advice,and you have calmed me down,and yes I must wait patiently untill the process ends.But I realy want to enter in relation with that girl,how I can tell her:I want to cuddle with you,to kiss you,to be with you but I cant have sex with you for atleast 2 month.What she will think of me?Would the best solution for me and for her be that I behave like a gentleman and not to show that much interest for her,and when I get well if she is free to go on to her,and if she shouldnt be free,what can you do,there is allways somebody else.Is this the right approach?As for bipolar girl I talked to my neighbour MD and he told me that I need to be careful with her,an abrupt breakup would probably hurt her.He told me that I must become boring,dull in her eyes,the exess in her life,not to amuse her,so that she breaks up with me.He tells that this may even help her.God am I a fool,at first I thougt that she is funny,warm,laughing a lot,how couldn't I see that she is ill ?

ljermontov wrote:

[quote=ljermontov]As for bipolar girl I talked to my neighbour MD and he told me that I need to be careful with her,an abrupt breakup would probably hurt her.He told me that I must become boring,dull in her eyes,the exess in her life,not to amuse her,so that she breaks up with me.He tells that this may even help her.God am I a fool,at first I thougt that she is funny,warm,laughing a lot,how couldn't I see that she is ill ?[/quote]
I once was in a relationship with a similar girl... very crazy, threats of suicide were just that, emotional blackmail, as may well be your case, too...

She needs to learn to be alone and OK with herself. Remember it isn't your job to fix her, as she was probably broken long b4 meeting you..

As for becoming boring to her as your neighbor suggested,...
you have to remember that you may do things that amuse her without even trying. For example, when she threatens to do something drastic, and you are like, "No, Please don't...", you may be amusing her in some way. Some of the things she does that get a response out of you may give her a secret, inner amusement.

Now, I realize that most of this comes from my own experience, and this girl may be different. However, you said you have to talk to her all the time and such and such to keep her alive. This tells me that she may well exhibit borderline personality disorder, as well as suicicidal. She is, whether she is aware of it or not, using her suicidal-ness to get what she wants from you. Your very description and language used of the situation tells me this.

Cadethefaun,I think,no I 'm

Cadethefaun,I think,no I 'm positive that you have described her 100% accurate.Sentences like: One day I ll dissapear,or You will forget me when I die...etc, and me telling her,No,please don't,stop saying that are the usual routine.You are right ,she gets some weird satisfaction from me stopping her saying that and explaning how life is beautyfull.Emotional blackmail,she needs somebody to suffer alongside her.Last night I did not had a good sleep,I comforted her all night and in the morning she almost made me relapse,she started masturbating and hearing the sounds made me losing control,I forgot her illness,I masturbated with her,did not O ,but getting vivid images of her seems like an relapse.This was not good thing to do ,I feel like crap today,not just because I am slowing down my reboot,but because I should have had more control of myself.The excuses I tried to give to myself ,like:It was morning horniness,or I am only human and humans cant resist to something like that ,did not help,I should have been stronger,not weak,I should have tell her STOP,or simply hang up.But I am porn addict and that was porn.Tommorow I am going on a date with this normal girl,and I think she is not going into sex that easy so ,better for me.And for bipolar girl ,well I hope that advice from my neighbour MD will work.Today is day 9 of my reboot with relapses,I am not going on a zero,but struggling,and counting the days untill I get well.

you have a couple of good options

option #1 is to tell the girl "I'd like to get to know you better before we jump into bed and do the deed. A few months would really be good and that will make our relationship more solid and we'll want each other for all our good qualities rather than just sex." Or something like that.

option #2 is to say "I've been getting over an addiction to porn. What really helps me is to snuggle and cuddle and avoid sex where I have to perform, for the time being. Are you cool with that?"

Incidentally, I like the MD's advice about that girl, that is really good. But stop beating yourself up over this were you to know she is messed up? You are a kind soul and will let her off from you with care, and that is a wonderful decent thing.



Thnx,emerson,I think I ll go

Thnx,emerson,I think I ll go on the option 2 ,the truth seems the best.If she really cares she will stick by me,if she can't well I am on the same position.I AM RECOVERING FROM PORN ADDICTION,AND IT TAKES TIME AND HARD WILL TO RECOVER.That is the truth,that is who I am,and my goal is to get out of this pit and continue a normal life.

THNX again for listening me

THNX again for listening me and on nice advice.The problem Marnia is that she avoids conversation about her illness,she told me the full story once and asked me never to talk about it,because she gets freaked out.She must be on the meds like Leponex all the time,and I think that she is not.She takes too much tranqulizers.I ll try to convince her to join to a support group,cause I must admit ,she is smart.I would like to stay away from her,to only be her friend, I wouldnt like to see that something bad happens to her.