Can Porn and Masturbation Be Separated From One Another?

Submitted by LTE on
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The term fapping describes masturbating to Internet porn. The fact that one term describes two things in combination is interesting. I suppose we could apply this to older practices. How about Self-Play-Boy, to describing masturbating to a popular magazine? Well, you get the point, but it begs a question; what is the relationship between porn and masturbation? In following threads of rebooters the question takes on more significance because questions seem to arise repeatedly regarding where to draw the lines in avoiding porn and other sexually stimulating materials.

I personally don't separate porn and masturbation. To me, they are part of the same phenomena. Porn supports masturbation, masturbation is aided by porn. If you don't masturbate there is no need for porn. The flip-side is that porn stimulates masturbation. In other words, masturbating makes you want porn, porn makes you want to masturbate. Substitute the word "fantasy" for porn and it still holds true, likewise for the word "leering" and becoming aroused by women you see in your everyday life. How about the words "sexual stimuluant" as a generic term for all of the various things people use to inspire masturbation.

Perhaps another way to look at it is to look at auto-eroticism as being equivalent of alcoholism, porn, fantasy and getting turned on by women around you are like different types of alcohol. I've known beer-drinking alcoholics that would switch from beer to hard liquor or wine thinking that they can control those other types of liquor but the final result was always the same, alcohol is alcohol no matter what form you ingest.

I have to look at masturbation the same way. I can't feed it or it will take over. It doesn't matter if I'm feeding it with porn, fantasy, checking out some hottie walking down the street or reading the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. If it stimulates masturbation it's like alcohol to an alcoholic.

One treatment used for alcoholism is a drug called antabuse. The effect is to make you violently ill if you ingest alcohol, even the slightest amount of alcohol. Persons on antabuse have to use non-alcoholic mouthwash, colognes and/or aftershave. Even the most minute amount of alcohol exposure will make a pleasant day become very unpleasant. The point here being, that even incidental exposure to alcohol has to be avoided at this phase of recovery.

The problem with masturbation and porn is that there isn't an antabuse out there that can discriminate between sexually stimulating materials and the normal things we encounter everyday. We never know when something potentially stimulating will pass before our eyes. It can happen any time, anywhere. In order to live productively, and not be sidetracked by every potential source of sexual stimulation we have to deal with it constructively. Like a patient on antabuse, in the initial recovery phase even the most minute ingestion of a sexual stimulant must be avoided.

Fantasy strikes me as being the most unpredictable stimulant because it can be 100% internal. In the book Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession, and Shame author George Collins tells of one such fantasy. Driving up California 101 he spotted a BMW being driven by a blonde with long flowing hair. He followed that car for some time. fantasizing that he would have an erotic encounter with the "blonde in the BMW". When the BMW's turn signal went on he pulled along side and got a good look at the driver, a man with an oily complexion and long blonde hair. He had been driving, masturbating and fantasizing for some time, never suspecting for a moment that the object of his fantasy held no appeal whatsoever to him. This is scary stuff, he could easily have had an accident during the time he was driving but distracted. Undoubtedly his judgement was not in its best form during this bizarre event.

So, at the end of the day, I see it as stimulus and response. An alcoholic must live in a world full of alcoholic stimulants and not be distracted. They do have an advantage, they can avoid liquor stores and bars. Sexual stimulants are a bit sneakier, they exist in even the most innocent of places, but the answer is still the same as that of an alcoholic, one must resolve to live in a stimulant filled world and not be distracted. You have to take charge and not let the stimulant dictate terms.

Staying grounded in the moment helps more than anything else. Pictures and videos aren't alive, don't have any desire for a relationship with you, although their producers may desire a relationship with your credit card. A pretty girl wearing a skimpy outfit is probably not looking for a meaningless encounter with you, chances are she's enjoying the nice weather and getting some sun. There really is an innocent explanation for much of what we see, it's our imagination that ramps up the fantasy, porn or the sight of a hottie and turns it into a sexual stimulant. We can't avoid these things, there will be potentially stimulating sights, sounds and situations in our lives sooner or later, it's up to us as to whether we let them have control or not.

That having been said, I prefer to err on the side of caution and avoid potential sources or sexual stimulation to the extent that is reasonable and possible. My own feeling is that if I have to ask whether or not it is harmful then it probably is something I will want to avoid.

Comments

Indeed, that is quite

Indeed, that is quite possible, although I would imagine that there was a lot of fantasy involved. Roughly the first five years of my chronic masturbation was done with very little porn. I was exposed to hardcore photos when I was fourteen and built up a fantasy world of sexual activity that lasted years. When I moved away from home I looked at nude photos in "Men"s Magazines". These were the type of thing you could buy from the news rack at 7-11, no sexual activity, just cheesy nude photos with stupid back stories about the models. This was occasional at first but morphed into a serious compulsion. Eventually, at low points in my life, I watched arcade movies in porn shops but it was the exception, not the rule. When the Internet brought a porn shop into my home I found porn videos on demand to be too convenient. Anytime I felt the urge I could be looking at porn so every emotional downturn became a porn binge.

While I will concede that habitual masturbation can happen without porn in my post I cited two other stimulants; fantasy and leering at women in real life. Perhaps there are some people that masturbate to physical sensation only but I suspect that is quite rare. It is my opinion that the sex drive is much more than simply a drive to have intercourse. If that were the case I couldn't imagine that people would bond in couples. IMHO, the drive is much more about companionship and bonding. Marriage is a constant in human society whether in Christendom, Islam, the Hindu realm or Atheistic societies such as much of China. I don't believe that the would be the case unless we had a strong desire to bond woven in to our sexual desire. For this reason, I doubt that many people would practice masturbation without some sort of fantasy partner involved.

Hmm...

If you consider fantasizing as porn, then yes I agree.

To reaffirm your point ,a few months back when I was PMO-free for few weeks, I needed a release. I didn't want to relapse to porn or masturbation, so I decided to get a massage with a happy ending. I figured a woman's touch would be as close to real sex as possible.

I was wrong.She tried to jerk me off for 5-10 minutes, nothing happened. This was after weeks of being PMO free. I was so disappointed because I was really expecting to orgasm after weeks of abstaining. I ended up closing my eyes and fantasized about someone. I climaxed in 30 seconds ( exaggerating but you get the idea).

So yes, you are correct that bonding (or fantasizing about it ) is necessary. Mere physical contact even if it is woman's does nothing to me atleast.

Additionally, this is also the reason that majority of modern porn doesn't turn me on. It's all mechanical without any bonding. Usually porn that is slow where the 2 people take their time to bond with each other gets me off.

stronger effortless erections with my wife is my goal

as long as i masturbate free from porn use or imaginings, and on limited occasions and use actual techniques that are not too strong . My erections and relations with my wife have been improving. so any theory on masturbation needed to first define it - as there could be very numerous catagories of masturbation

How about:

How about:
Excitation of one's own or another's genital organs, usually to orgasm, by manual contact or means other than sexual intercourse.

I looked up several dictionary definitions and they were all pretty close to the definition above.

IMHO, the danger of masturbation, even without fantasy, is desensitization. Natural intercourse tends to be less intense than the death grip of masturbation.