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Today is Day 90 no porn

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its amazing I got this far. it seems like only yesterday I started on all of this but I made it, it was most definitely not easy but I did it.

I guess Ill do a little now and then type of thing listing a few benefits I have experienced since quitting porn.

Before:
Bad Stomach aches on a daily basis
mood swings
ED
mild Anxiety
Mild Depression
Would sleep all day long and wake up feeling like crap
no focus
felt dead inside
felt ignored and invisible
lots of head aches

Day 81 Where to now.....

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I remember when I was as at m lowest I would ask myself that question. I was always alone for the most part, never really felt like anyone cared about me. But what ever reason I thought that one day everything would change. "one day" I thought to myself, one day I will do what makes me happy and meet people who will love me for me. one day I will find a place for myself in this world, one day I wont feel so alone. One day I will be happy.

Day 62 - I need better friends

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A little overview of my process so far. My erections are way better, however I seem to go in and out of flat-lines. This latest flat-line has been pretty light. Normally there is a depressing feeling associated with them. I have noticed since I have started this journey that my flat-line periods have less and less of a depressed feeling. Hopefully that means my brain is close to completely healing. My ability to learn things also seems to have grown. I feel more emotionally stable. I only thing is I still sleep a bit to much.

Day 52 in two hours. Sick of this reboot

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I have had like two wet dreams in the past week. My erections are more frequent, but still not on the level I hoped they would be. I guess the will change in time. I have also been extremely tired for the past two days. I don't know what thats is about but it is pissing me off. I kinda have this girl I like and she likes me and I feel like this whole process is ruining everything. Nothing is constant with this process its nothing but constant highs and lows.

Day 48 No PMO, No Fap

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Lots of Erections, not yet 100% I would say somewhere between 80 and 85 % but still very nice and gives me much hope. I think my flat-lining stage is over (Hopefully for good). I'm feeling really motivated and positive again. Still no girl friend, not sure what I'm waiting on. anyways I'm certain I will work that part out soon as well. I keep hearing this thing about cold showers being a healthy practice, I think I may give that a try.

Thats all for now. thanks for reading. ~L4L

Day 44 - The Fog

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Since Ive started this journey I have experienced many phases. at times things felt like pure joy, other times I would be wallowing in the darkness of depression. What has happened now is that those two worlds have collided. I am in the grey, a thick foggy unpleasant place. I think people call this flat-lining . Whatever it is I don't like it. I really miss that days when I felt sociable and powerful like I had this grand energy around me. At the moment I feel apart from everything. Its not the same disconnected feeling I had before, but at the same time its a lonely feeling all the same.

Day 39 No PMO - Gaining Powers

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I've been partying pretty hard, but recently I've decided I'm not going to use booze/drugs as a catalyst for confidence. So instead of getting completely shit faced, I've been stopping after one drink. I'm doing this for a couple reasons, (1) I don't think women like men who get completely wasted then try to talk to them, (2) I don't like the feeling of being wasted especially the next day and (3) I really don't think women are as hard to get as I originally thought. After thinking about it long and hard I realized I'm too analytical.

Day 31 No PMO

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Life without porn isn't easy, however it's isn't porn that makes it hard. Its the swings in mood and energy. Last week was probably my lowest week ever, I just felt so alone and depressed with some anxiety thrown in. But for the past day or two my mood seems to be shifting back to a more positive view on things. I noticed I'm starting to get female attention again too, which is good. I don't have a girl friend yet but if these moods keep improving and stay in a positive balance I don't see why I couldn't get one.

I hurt myself

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Tonight at the bar old feelings of suicide came up. All I could think about was all the damage I had done to myself over years with pmo. All that time wasted and spent in utter loneliness. To be fair at this point in my life I couldn't be further from suicidal, I'm a very positive person. I think it was just some unresolved part of me that was buried down deep. However that loneliness i feel is real. unfortunately I feel like i have zero control over love and such when it come to my life, I'm not desperate but I don't have any clue how to make moves in that area of my life.

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