26 years with some serious issues

Submitted by Mrlonley on
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Day 1
I am 26 years old - Suffering from ED for the last couple of years and I will give you some background about it
I started masturbating without porn when I was 13 years old . This was the best feeling the world and before I knew I was hooked on it
By 15 I was introduced to porn by a friend. And I was totally hooked on it . I didn't have a computer in my house so I used to
go to Internet cafes and spend hours watching porn everyday. And come home and Masturbate .This habit continued till I I got my computer . I would watch porn since my family used to go to sleep around midnight till usually 5am .I will masturbate a couple of times everything. I had a girlfriend but she lived out of state and we never had sex .
By 18 I was still a virgin and one I was watching porn everyday - I had a crazy sex drive. I never had a wet dream I was masturbating every
day without exception. The first time I had sex was with this girl. My first time it was awful I didn't have any sensation at all -it felt like a chore it wasn't at all I saw in the videos.I blamed it on the woman and my inexperience -she wasn't tight enough and I didn't have any experience.Never saw her again .Next time I had sex was a year later with this another girl when I was 18 again and this time I lasted a long time and I fucked her like crazy full hard but the sensation wasn't strong and I was using a condom. I in my head thought that the lack of sensation that I felt is an advantage that I can use to last longer. I feel the longer you last the better is it for the other person. I wanted it to be a performance the same way I used to see it in the videos. I lasted a long time and she loved it as far as I know and boosted my confidence a lot. I thought I was porn star.
At age 19 I am masturbating everyday - sometimes a couple of times. from teen porn I moved to mature ladies porn - and now i get my first gf that i can have regular sex with . The first time I tried to last a long time constantly trying prolong the session. I wanted to have sex for atleast 1 hour every time . I would go soft but I could get it back hard. We used to it in the car. My gf was very insecure and I always thought I could do better . The first couple of months was ok - I never enjoyed sex but I always blamed i on the fact that she wasnt hot enough. I started experiencing a lack if interest in sex By age 21 I cheated on her - and I was rock hard.so it was confirmed it was my gf. I would go to clubs and grind with girls to make sure i got erections. a few months later we broke up
By age 23 - I am still masturbating everyday and this is when I realized something is wrong with me . Where I meet this my friend to have sex with her and I couldn't get it up . And that has been a prb since and I started exercising and blamed it on my smoking habit. but nothing changed - Last year it was confirmed I had problem with by third girlfriend but I couldn't tell her. I started using Marijuana and for some reason when I was high I would get rock hard and it used to feel very good and the sensations was great. I could not get erect without getting high. I broke up with her a couple months later
Now I was this girl - I am in love with her - She is beautiful with a perfect body and she's very sexy . So I know for a fact that shes my type. Everytime I have sex with her I can't get it up. We have had sex maybe 5 times and that's usually of me abstaining for a week without sex and everytime I am having sex with her - I am worried that I will cum to soon. She seems like an understanding person, But I can't tell her my problem . I feel she will judge me and tell other people. She is 19 years old- and I don't want t freak her out . I told her I am complicated and now she thinks there is something wrong with me, Right now I have told her that I have a problem getting bored with girls and I don't want to loose her thats why i want to abstain from sex. I think it bothers her alot. I don't know what to do?
Should I tell her or not ? I feel if I tell her she would tell that to other people ? I am confused because this is a huge confession
And what about this PMO thingy - I can somehow explain to her that we are not going to have sex for 90 days -she said she will understand
but i am not sure if I will be back to normal after 90 days ? and should I eat her out ? should i penetrate and no ejacualte so many problems that I dont have the answer too-
" I don't feel like a man when I can't make love to the woman I love"
Please help me

Comments

Mrlonley wrote:

[quote=Mrlonley]I don't know what to do? Should I tell her or not ? I feel if I tell her she would tell that to other people ? I am confused because this is a huge confession And what about this PMO thingy - I can somehow explain to her that we are not going to have sex for 90 days -she said she will understand but i am not sure if I will be back to normal after 90 days ? and should I eat her out ? should i penetrate and no ejacualte so many problems that I dont have the answer too- " I don't feel like a man when I can't make love to the woman I love" Please help me[/quote]

 

I would tell her that you are recovering from using on line porn. That you didn't realize that it could cause issues in some men and that you are following a process to get rid of the problems it has caused.

Men who pursue a goal single-mindedly are quite attractive to women. Most women don't like the fact that men use porn and chances are she'll respect you more for this.

I personally think that "no sex for 90 days" is often a mistake.

If you can do a lot of cuddling and have non-orgasmic, non-ejaculatory sex, that may speed your recovery and make it much, much easier.

Giving her oral sex is a good idea if you don't find that non-ejaculatory intercourse is possible. She can have her orgasm and get some satisfaction.

The best thing often is to really get into making love to a woman without an orgasm. It can be so much more lovely and go on and on, without end. Something to look into. Check out the Karezza Korner here.

Day 2 NO PMO

Day 3 NO PMO
I talked to my girlfriend from this point on I will call her Roxy . She has been wondering what was wrong with me since the first day she came to my apartment . The thing is that Foxy is very attractive- perfect body and a very pretty face. Now the first time she came to my apartment - I slipped in one of those Chineese Pills it gave me a crazy hardon but it never feels good on it . She orgasm-ed and I didn't orgasm and she felt that I was turned off by the fact that she was too easy.
This has been playing in her head for a minute. Yesterday I told her that I am very complicated and I get bored of people very easily and I want to pursue her seriously . Thats why its important for us not to have sex for a 100 days and she didn't get why I am doing this but for some reason Roxy is different . She is very old school and she's 19 but she wants to get married. The thing is that she lost her virginity to her ex bf and she's very insecure about that.
And she feels like somewhat of a slut because she wanted to give it to her husband . Now it works out to my benifit is that she can't tell me she wants sex because that makes her feel like a slut (for some reason). Besides that she has a very high sex drive. She is constantly wet around me . Yesterday I told her that I am serious about the 100 days and she said OK. Even though she doesn't understand why but she loves me too much. I think she wants me to marry her - that's why she is willing to do anything.
To the members who told me that to tell her about my porn habit . I cant do that - It not more about what she would think - I am very disgusted about it . I have been watching porn for over 12 years now everyday 3 hours and masturbated every night sometimes a couple. I feel I have really screwed my self over.But Now I don't know if this 100 day commitment is going to work and I will get a complete fix.
Btw my girlfriend started reading this 50 shades of grey Book now that doesn't help either. It's this book about some guy whose a billionaire and he likes BDSM - i can't get it up how am I going to have rough sex with her lol
I started working out and lets see where that goes - so far so good.
Deep down within me I feel that after a 100 days I will be cured and I am never ever masturbating either -it's unnatural
P.s I don;t know if its a porn thing or something is wrong with my head or maybe I have been single too long. I just feel that after having sex with a girl a couple of times I don't want her - I just want to change things up- I keep on thinking about other women when I am around my gf because in the past 2 weeks i ahve over 5 different girls hit me up to hang out which I declined but I always thinking about having sex with them -
"As far as I know I have alot of issues and I need to do a lot of work on myself"

DAY 3 no PMO

DAY 4 no PMO
Last night my girl came over and I had a 100 percent crazy hard on . We ended up having sex butI didn;t Orgasm,IT was kind of Karezza and I feel I enjoy it more then sex. Recently I have noticing a new phenomana that I have been having flash back memories of things that used to turn me on when I first started masturbating . I used to be turned on my neighbour and I always wanted to have sex with her. I recently started thinking about about her and gave me a crazy erection. This was wierd. I haven't watched porn in over 6 months but I had masturbated to fantasy.
Now I am thinking porn did really mess me up in my head . After watching porn for years i started ended up viewing tranny porn and that used to turn on. I think I have to clear my head after a long time.
The good thing is that the whole 100 day challenge my gf just took it as a challenge so thats good news - I already feel better about my self and I started working out
So two things I din't get why am I having memories of those early days when I sued to masturbate and my fantasies- why am i travelling back in time ? I used to be charged every single night with porn maybe two to three times would be no problem .Now it's taking me like three days to get charged - atleast i have somewhat things working for me - so far so good- So I am happy happy

Day 4 NO PMO

Extremely Horny today -I had a fight with my gf yesterday . We were arguing and she had to make that " Oh you can't get it hard" comment to which I replied "Well nobody wants to have sex with you anyways" . I am sick of being assertive all the time with her - Sometimes they need to be taught a lesson. We have't spoke in almost 2 days and we hang out everyday - well I am not texting her - not for nothing but she will keep on throwing this fit all the time. Whatever
Back to my Penis - full 100 percent erections - I think it takes me 5 days to go 100% horniness level . I have not been this horny is over a year or soemthing . I don't know how i am doing this . I have't watched porn in over 6 months . Yesterday I started looking at craigslist - casual encounter section. I will stop that today too .
This porn thing really took a toll on me - I think all this time I was living a dream and now I am waking up . I think masturabtion is a sort of high that fogs your mind.
I don't know but I am getting a little bit aggressive now - I feel more stronger and more manlineer . Maybe its the hormones or maybe I know I can get it up or maybe I started working out .But honestly speaking It feels good.
This is only 5 days lets see - how it goes after that

Give your body and brain a rest

There has been a lot going on.

And forgive your sweetheart. She may be having some brain imbalance from too much hot sex/masturbation herself. Her choice of reading material is basically porn, after all.

Have you read this? Women: Does Orgasm Give You a Hangover?

Good luck! Don't hesitate to slow down with her and focus on skin-to-skin bonding behaviors...alien as they may seem. You could be surprised at how they ease the bickering between you. See The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Day 8

I lost my horniness for no reason - Its not dead dick but I think its in the mail
I had another fight with my gf - this time she apparantly doesn't like the fact that every-time she walks away I dont follow her - What she doesn't understand is that I don't mind following her but that's a bad habit
And I am getting to realize she is a manipulative person - the type of person that would get information out of you to later use it against you - She definately has some issues and So Do I !
She is hanging out out with her cousins boyfriend today at her apartment or wherever honestly I don't think she will be cheating on me but seems to me she definitively likes attention from other guys - cos she's not getting anything from me
See the problem is that I can't be bullied into giving attention - it has to come within -Bullying has an opposite effect on me and it doesn't work with me - She knows that it upsets me if she hangs out with other guys but she purposely does it - I guess she wants to get a reaction out of me - In her childish brain that's a way of me showing that I care- As far as I understand but there is noway I can show a reaction I say if you want to hang out go ahead. Because knowing her I don't want her to make it a habit trying to get attention out of me. Right now I am 50/50 with this relationship .I can't have sex with her and it's a very hard comeback from that . There is noway I can share my problem with her because she is just going to use it against me . I mean I do have trust issues from my past but everytime I have told this girl something she brought it back in an argument, And this Porn Habit I feel she will loose all respect from me . And secondly she told a lot about her ex bf too so theres definately shes not the type that would keep secrets.
Somedays I feel shes the sweetest angel in the world and the other days I feel shes Chuckys Bride
On top of all this I am studying for my CPA exam and I stopped talking to all my friends . They drink and party which I stopped and I don't want to waste money cos I am just workling 3 days and living off on my savings
I don't know how am I going through this relationship because it doesn't feel like one. She is 19 and I am 26 - She wants to go out and is horny all the time . I am trying to study for my CPA exam and can't take her out because neither I have the time or the Money and I can't even fuck her . I wish I was normal and I could just whip it out put it in her pussy pound it pull her hair back and rail her and cum all over her face . But I can't
SO we haven;t talked all day and she's putting me in all these jealousy plotlines situations - Wow this is getting more complicated then I would think it is - I wish I should have started this way long ago and theres no way I can quit this because this is my only option So I have to stick to it
Let see How this goes...

By the sounds of it...

What you have there is a class catch 22. Youd just like to be able to shag her, but the ED wont let you. But to get rid of the ED you need to reboot, which involves laying off. Hmmm.

Ok so whats more important?
And if shes as fragile as you say, and she wont understand if you tell her about rebooting, do you still want her in your life?
I dont know if youve rebooted before, but the first 3 weeks are HARD, and it takes away 95% of what little libido you already had. Can you do this relationship as well?
Questions, questions questions.

Keep going, and keep posting!

Sounds like

she's feeling needy...which is often caused by too many orgasms. Read that first link above.

Good luck with your CPA exams. My niece just took #2...and thought it was "horrible." *gulp*

DAY 10 NMO

Thanks for you support guys- Ok Penis situation - completely dead dick - No horniness but I am just getting to emotional with this girl - Completely dead
I celebrated my Independance day at Seaside with a couple of friends and she has a problem with that.
Then she goes with her friends including her friends guy friends to hang out at her some lounge
I think she wants get reactions out of me on everything - And I can't help it but not be upset about it
I can bang her - Thats the issue - I have never cared before If my gf would hang out with her friends because as long as I am getting my nut out thats all I cared about - and they would always keep coming back
Now the tables have turned
This young gf of mine is very manipulative - she knows how to press buttons and she presses them
I think she is very top of the surface person - WHo likes compliments for the sake of complimetnts - Loves going out - and wants to do something every single day - Reminds me of myself when I 19 but now I am a grown man and I have the CPA to do - I can't be hanging out every single day - there is no purpose to it- I feel I can't even conect with this chick on an intellectual level. She just wants to have fun and that's it .
So She runs these Jealousy Plot lines - She hangs out with her friends all the time which is ok but she rubs them in my face - I think I care a lot or maybe I have these hormones inside me - Maybe I am just insecure - Maybe I should stop caring like this - I like this girl - I don't know If I love her - I get really upset about these little things that she does- And knowing the person she is if I tell her she will take full advantage of it . I have a plan - I will start hanging out with my friends as well - which I do and she doesn't like it - I have always been available to her when she wanted me - I feel I have prioritized her more then I have had any other person in my life which has to change - I will put her on the same level as my friends
That means I would hangout with her not more then three times a week - Never on the weekends - Or the second is hang out with her only once a week but do something nice with her - like take her out or something - and the rest 5 days she can hangout with her friends - This does not seem like a relationship at all
I am dealing with somebody who is very young and she is making me feel like a kid too- which I can't
Sometimes I think of breaking up with her because I can't communicate with her - I think she doesn;t help me concentrate on my CPA but that my problem -
My biggest Problem is "I can't make a decision and stick to it "

I'm sorry

she's playing games. What about asking if that's what she's doing point blank? And asking her what she hopes to achieve? And asking her if there's another way to accomplish it...short of your spending every minute with her, given that you have important professional demands just now.

Maybe instead of being macho, be direct. Dirol

DAY 13 NO PMO

My Penis Is Dead - I am pretty sure I had night wood i the middle but not sure
Wow I was thinking I wish my penis feels the same way when I first started masturbating - That will be the most amazing thing ever
My GF siuttion is normal now - You guys were right she is playing games and trying to get reactions from me - I just dont react and that way she loses motivation for playing games. And I didn't understand this before
I think I think about my emotions now - I am more intune with them - Maybe I keeping a log thats y but its helping me - I feel i expect my self to PMS in a way because of my hormones so I know if its the hormones or me - but it gives me a balance- I have started working out and that helps my self esteem even more
Today I had a long talk with my GF about this whole No SEX thingy she understands . This is what Exactly I told me "I want to take you seriously and that's why I got into this relationship in the first place. I feel that my last relationships didn't work because this they were primarily based on sex and we didn't get to know each-other - but this relationship I don't want to base it on sex and I want to get to know you more - and thus we have to wait atleast a 100 days because that's what I planned before I got into this - and whatever sex we had because of impulsiveness and you thought it was too soon "
I think in her brain - everytime I saw serious relationship - It goes to marriage and for that too happen my GF would compromise on anything - I feel she feels insecure about the fact that she's not a virgin herself so for some other guy to accept her as pure is a big deal . She already told me that is her biggest regret in her life.
And the whole Jealousy Plotlines that she was runnning are losing effect- I know she is bluffing ! phew
Now the only thing left is would it work after a 100 days haha - I have hope but I have doubt too - IS there anybody is a 100 percent successful reboot? Will I feel the same way like when I was teenager ? WOuld it get up on command

DAY 17 NO PMO

I had morning wood and I was hooking up with my gf last night I had an erection
The rest of the time its flatline and expectation for sex
I am feeling very GOOD - I dont understand it - But I feel euphoric - I am getting better sleep and I feel in a very good mood all the time - Inever thought hormones had so much to play on how you feel ]
BUt I am loving it 0I am working out and that helps out too \
Told my gf straight up No SEX 100 Days - If she leaves she can leave but she is working things out with me
This girl loves me - So great things are working me way then - after a long time
I feel I have wasted so many years of my life on this porn :(

good for you

you're on the right track. Good that you had that talk, too. It sounds really good. Keep in mind you'll go through some significant mood swings in the next month or three. Just be prepared. It helps if you expect them.

 

 

Day 20 NO PMO GF Broke up with me

Penis sItuation : Flatline - Wood at night sometimes - Yesterday I had a 100 % erection at night - I was amazed on how I usually referred to me 90% erection as my 100% till I saw it 2 days ago
Besides that I never realized How important sex is for a relationship?
I feel I could walk out of this relationship anytime and I guess she feels the same
Same Drama this time : I din't even remember why we fought
But I guess she was on her periods and she todl me we were better off as friends to begin with - I was like cool I am totally fine with it and now we are "friends" . She came over my apartment last night I gave her a cold shoulder and now we are not talking .
I think I am going through this whole phase process and between the past Six Months I have Quit
1) Smoking
2) Smoking Pot
3) Drinking Alcohol
4) Masturbation
5) Porn
--> Eating Healthy - SLeeping better
Started studying for the CPA Exam
Lost my full time Job
Started Boxing
So I have so much stuff hgoing on for me that I feel like a strong person and I stopped hanginjg out with so many friends because I figured that it will take me back to using drugs that I think I can cut off anybody from my liofe
My Priority is my CPA Exam and this girl wants all my attention and she doesn't realize the fact that everytime I fight with her - my feelings for her keep getting less and less because I start focusing on all the negative things int his relationship
I am like getting fed up by her now cos she knows this whole breaking up thing upsets me and everytime she wants to get a reaction out of me she uses it.
I am just thankful I never told her about this whole PMO thing cos she would have told everybody lol I guess sometimes my Trust issues are helpful to me
Lets see How this goes
"This is more of a mental challenge then a physical one"

good luck

sorry to hear about the breakup. Next time, you will find someone you *can* trust and it will be wonderful.

Also, fantastic that you quit all those habits. And yes, new friends are a must so you can move away from people really into alcohol, pot and drugs. It's so much easier without those people still around to tempt you back.

Really glad you are staying in touch here and staying strong. It's nice to have your priorities straight, isn't it?

DAY 40 NO PMO

I am back with my Gf
Two days ago I had sex with her by dick was a 100 % first time and then 70% second time
I did not orgasm
First time I was about to orgasm in the first two minutes and I had to withdraw and I told her that I cant do it
Is my Penis way much more sensitive now?
I feel a slight sense of recovery but I don;t know if it will continue after I orgasm.
I just want things to be the way they were before "that I get an erection whenever and wherever I want it "

That's a good start

To get back to normal, you first have to put up with your brain chemistry swinging around a bit. Try to be patient. Give it time. Things will probably be abnormal for a while longer, but practice makes perfect.

Remember, your genes want you healed...which mean your brain is going to do its best to recover as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, try to keep a sense of humor and be glad the brain is plastic.

DAy 43 NO PMO

Wow erections all day 90 to a 100 % then they go away after a couple of minutes
I am getting horny . Is this normal
Or will this be a for a couple of days and then back to flatline

DAy 45 NO PMO

Ok I have on a very bad habit now
I go On CL and i look at the casual encounters portion
I contact the people and view their images .
Is this edging ?
I do it on my phone
I woke up with a headache and I am worried my life will again spin out of control
Erections 90 -100% then they go away
I guess I am recovereing

DAy 46 NO PMO Orgasms:2

Wow I finally collapsed ! 44 Days no Masturbation and DAY 45 I masturbated and Day 46 I masturbated
I just couldn't take it - My body just had to take it out .
So Now I am back starting again so back to Day 2 . I think my penis is very sensitive
Tried having sex with my girlfriend and I justy want to come within the first 2 minutes- Very embarrassing if you ask me . well again I am not used to having sex without condoms anyways so that might add into it .
So I read all the reboot accounts - so will I just get my libido back as it was before . like I can get an erection on command . Cos ask me I havien't watched Porn in over 8 months but I masturbated so I guess don't you think it's time to recover already - but I definatelly see in an improvement last year I could not get an erection no matter what

It's not unusual

to be "trigger -happy" at first. The more you have sex, the more things tend to come into balance.

Sounds like you're making good progress. Just be patient.

Also, during recovery, sex with a partner often intensifies cravings for a few days. That may have caused your return to masturbation. Did you read this? Do You Need A Chaser After Sex?

Any Advice?

Ok I haven't posted in a long time . This is my second try first time it was 44 days and then I masturbated but used no porn ( but I used to look at dating websites and the click search resembled porn usage )
This time it has been 50 days and NO PMO so far. But I orgasmed in the first time in my wet dream in my ice
I have has wet dreams but I never orgasmed in it .
Now I feel way much better and I needed a release so I guess it's a good thing
Besides that I broke up with my girlfriend so that sucks . But I guess it helped me in a way that I started checking other women out and I have been noticing girls at the gym .
Now I am sure that you get this questions asked many times but here's a brief history of my timeline
Age : 26
Years masturbated to porn : 10 years daily
Last watches porn : New Year's Eve ( 9 months ago)
I have been masturbating all this time but with decreased frequency maybe twice a week
Started quitting masturbating : July 23rd ( 3 months ago)
Relapsed but no Porn just Mo : after 45 days
And now 50 days no PMO and last night I had wet dream
So how long more should I go ? I want to fix ED prb once and for all
And Second lets say I decide to have sex how often should I orgasm in a healthy manner . I feel orgasms drain me out of energy ? Is it after two wetdreams because I read the article on psychology today - but that would mean once every two months ?
Any advice ?

question for you

are you spending time with a woman at this point? That is super helpful at this stage. Assuming yes, the more snuggling you can do the better. It is incredibly good for you and for ED problems. 

How often should you orgasm? Probably the less frequently the better. Not sure you "have" to at all. Your body will take care of things if necessary through wet dreams but these too might not continue. You might find every two weeks or something like that works for you. Or perhaps much less frequently. 

Reply Thank you Emerson and Marinna

Well my penis definately looks more healthy . Well i dont know about Ed Problems because I broke up with me Gf about a month ago and I haven't had any sort of feminine exposure.
I feel an inner confidence that things have got better but I need assurance . I didd't masturbate because I don't want to fall in the loop again. So i don't know for sure if I hav ED for not .
so it been
46 NO PMO
3 Orgasms 3 days
and 50 days NO PMO
Should I continue to finish the process of a 100 days
I am little confused ?>

From ED to PRemature

Hello as I posted in my blog
My first try
43 days No PMO
Masturbated 3 times No P
Second 71 days
I successfully had sex 3 days ago
When I Orgasmed I didn't feel anything and it felt kind of like peeing
Now yesterday I had successful sex again but for some reason I couldn't last more then a 5 min tops
And it's kind of embarrassing ?
What do I do now legal exercises
Does this mean I am cured?

Sounds like you're well on your way

Can you engage in daily affection? That will help your brain rewire to real partners.

Real sex is okay, too, but too much of it can make your quest for balance more difficult. That's why the ancient Chinese Daoists and others came up with the idea of frequent intercourse...and infrequent orgasm. You get the benefits of sex, without the destabilizing effects of orgasm.

Once you're back in balance, you can find the right orgasm frequency for you.

It's not unusual to experience a bit of PE or DE when you first get "back into the saddle." It's also not unusual not to feel very much. After all, your brain learned to think "porn was IT" and wired itself accordingly.

The problems will pass. Be patient. Put the emphasis on affection, not heat. Mr. Happy will soon catch up.

Did you read this?

How do I know when I'm back to normal?

Thank you marina

Thanks marina for your help and support. Now see this is in response to your last post
And I know you stay away from giving any solid days or times out because everybody is different
But see I really don't get I just started having sex with my Gf after 70 days . Lasted a couple of minutes and feels like PE . Now you told me to focus on the affection and not on the heat
So my questions is ( and I am not cornering you ) but can give me range if how often I should orgasm with her for now ? Because I am just recovering ?

What about

not trying for orgasm for a month, and if it happens just enjoy it? Wink

Seriously, it's the buildup, or striving for climax that probably sends dopamine surging, so if you focus on staying present and feeling every nuance of the experience without trying to "get" anywhere the body seems to release a different "cocktail" of neurochemicals, which is more relaxing...but good for healthy arousal.

This article might give you some insight into what I'm babbling about: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/neotaoism_and_karezza