GOAL OF 120 DAYS MET.
I made it! I can't say I'm where I hoped I would be at this point, but this journey was incredibly hard and I *still* managed it. It's been worth all the struggle. At this point I think it's safe to "test" things out with my boyfriend when I see him next week. If I don't experience a chaser effect I will consider myself almost cured. In all honesty, I'm a bit nervous, dare I say afraid to find out how it's going to be. I have to experience orgasm again eventually. It's been 4 months with no relapses. It's time again... :)
Fear and worries aside, I wonder what a real orgasm with a partner will be like. It's exciting to think about. While heavily using porn I was only able to have 2 very very weak orgasms each on separate occasions from somebody besides myself. That's all I've experienced with anybody else. During this time I also had to rely on very heavy porn/fetish fantasies and concentration. I can't wait to experience real arousal and real orgasms with a real person. An amazing person at that.
I'm still struggling with libido and I still seem to only have a strong enough libido while at two very short parts of my menstrual cycle where it used to be every day or nearly every day (of course ovulation and right before my period.) It's about 5 or 6 days total a month. That concerns me, but I feel like other factors many be contributing to a low sex drive. I have other concerns as well, but I don't think I should concentrate too much on those. It's a happy day. :)
I may struggle with staying porn free still, but porn will stay out of my life now. There is no use going back. I did say I would stay away from masturbating ever again. I'm still unsure if that's a good idea as of right now. My bf and I sometimes go 3-4 months without seeing each other. Does anybody have any opinions on that? For now, I'm just going to concentrate and look forward to next week. I'm not yet ready for sex, but I will know when I am.
Counter is still going until anything happens or doesn't happen?...