So I joined this forum back in early 2012 I believe. The past 3 years have been a time of tremendous growth for me. In all honesty, they may end up being the most important 3 years of my life because of all of the long term implications that come with self improvement. I had gotten to a point where I was free from porn/porn related activities, but I was still unhappy, and I was still struggling with relationships. I ended up reading a book, I'm not sure if its on the yourbrainonporn.com, but if it isn't, it definitely should be.
Sitting at day 74. For those who don't know my situation, its this: porn isn't a problem any more. The last time I watched porn was September 7th. What became a problem for me is what I call "escort viewing", the process of looking up escorts, which is basically the same thing as porn to my brain. I quit all MB and escort viewing 74 days ago. It's been quite a ride, the ups and downs have been crazy. I've had days where I felt like I was king of the world, only to have days with bad depression and worthlessness follow. Anyway, during this time, my libido wasn't really there.
I'm considering doing some online dating at some point in the near future. I'm worried though, that online dating has some similarities to porn/escort viewing because of the novelty and 2D pic cruising. Do any of you online date? Is it something I should avoid?
So, i'm back after 2 months, and i'm glad to say, that i've gone 63 days no MB and no escort viewing/porn. I've definitely had an increase in confidence/sociability that I never saw before (i'm sure that me stretching my comfort zone has also helped in this). I went out with a girl a few times, but it ended. In that time, i kissed her once, and was super hard the whole walk home. Nowadays, i'm just keeping busy with school/hobbies while trying to meet girls on the side.
Ugh, I escort viewed, again, not for that long, but still, long enough. I'm in a bit of a rut right now. I had a great day, but had a lapse in decision making. Gotta just try again.
Had an escort viewing relapse. It wasn't much, just a few pics, but still. I Mb'ed a few times this weekend, and one thing just led to another. I'm gonna go for a month no nothing, no MB, porn, escort viewing, and avoid fantasy as much as possible. If I get to a month, i'll extend. I have to make this my priority in order to succeed.
So I have a question, Marnia, you may have an answer for me. So I decided to MB tonight. It was kind of a reward because I overcame some fears tonight and approached some girls in a pretty direct manner (which always scared me). Anyway, when I started to MB, I had trouble getting hard initially, which happens sometimes when I have a few drinks in me. However, I had a "mini" orgasm while I was soft. What happened was that I didn't have the orgasm sensation, but my penis kinda, made the orgasm motion, though it was small, and like 2 small drops fell out.
The title says it. I was talking to girls yesterday, but I didn't really have a drive to talk to them. It felt kind of forced. I also realize that I haven't had much sexual desire for the past few days. Last night, I was lying in bed, and I realized I was just enjoying the solitude and I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I wasn't depressed, just felt like being alone. If this is a product of the minor relapses that I had, its quite startling to see that even a small relapse can have an effect on me, even days later.
Feeling weird. Got out and talked to a bunch of people. That being said, I've had this empty, slightly depressed feeling all day. This is a big trigger for me, as it would feel great to fill this void with sexual related things, but i'm not going to. I'm not sure exactly what it is, whether its chemical stuff going on in my brain or something else. I texted a girl whose number I got on sunday, and got no response. I guess i'm feeling a little down after getting 2 numbers last week, and neither of them panned out to be anything.
Not a big deal in terms of whats going on in my brain, but its still a relapse none the less. Had a good day overall, talked to like 5 girls, some at the bar, some during the day, but none really led to anything. Still, good practice. I did have a couple drinks though, and it led to a relapse. What was frustrating, was that I went onto a site that plays tv shows, and there were some ads on the side that were of really hot girls, and that kind of got me starting. I had good intentions (watch tv shows), but it ended with me looking at escorts.