66/67 drunken urge/changes

Submitted by needhops on
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To go on the fact that I'm not "cured" yet...I'm at my house after drinking all day and had the urge to look at porn, and not be with a girl. This is not the norm for me, which shows I still have ways to go. Sorta weird/nostgalgic...I had this feeling that I could not really describe, however it reminded me of kindergarden. Btw kindergarden was 16 years ago. It was pretty insane. I feel like I'm starting over socially again. This could be a nagative for a lot of people but I actully look at it like a positive...it is the first time Ina long time where my interactions feel genuine and not like I'm putting on a show. Another thing which embarasses me....I all of a sudden feel like I've been trying way to hard around girls. This goes for when I thought I was just having fun. Today I felt different. I wanted to talk to girls but it was more neutral/natural. It wasn't in relation to what others were doing with regards to girls Which was actully my default in the past. Looking back, it seems that my friends were extremely tolerant of my bs for the past 1.5-2 years. Today I feel more respect/happiness from them. It's s good reminder for why they are my friends which i really needed.

I am definitely making some real progress with talking to girls. Nothing happend sexually today, but the conversations I was having were much more natural than in the past where I hope that I'll say somethig cool. This may not seem like anything big but it is a definite change for me that I notice. Makes fighting off porn much easier.

Comments

It IS big

and so is the fact that you perceive the difference so clearly. Things are definitely shifting. It's fine to "start over." I think you'll catch up really quickly now.