day 0 minor relapse

Submitted by needhops on
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Not a big deal in terms of whats going on in my brain, but its still a relapse none the less. Had a good day overall, talked to like 5 girls, some at the bar, some during the day, but none really led to anything. Still, good practice. I did have a couple drinks though, and it led to a relapse. What was frustrating, was that I went onto a site that plays tv shows, and there were some ads on the side that were of really hot girls, and that kind of got me starting. I had good intentions (watch tv shows), but it ended with me looking at escorts. On the bright side, I looked at only like 4 ads, so it wasn't to bad at all. I ended up MBing, though it was very odd. Maybe it had something to do with me being drunk, but I O'ed before I really even got hard. Weird stuff.

Drinking is fun, but honestly, its something I have to be very careful with. When I relapsed, it was like my streak and this site didn't even exist. Had I thought of this site or the streak, I may have been ok. Also, I think about girls that I know/ have met that are unavailable, but that I liked a lot, and perhaps liked me, and I think about how visiting an escort is, in their eyes, probably so repulsive. I know I shouldn't care so much about what others think, but in this case, I really can't help it. I guess everyone's got their "dark side" though, and I just have to keep working towards defeating mine.

Oh well, just gotta start back up again. While I have other means of getting online, I am going to start "selfcontrolling" my cpu in order to remind myself of what i'm doing.

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