re-reboot day 29

Submitted by needhops on
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almost at one month. Pretty happy about that. I mentioned earlier that I got into a pattern of relapsing every 2-3 weeks since I got back to school. I noticed that the longer I went, the better I generally felt. Right now I feel pretty great. HOwever, i'm still leveling out. yesterday, my libido was out of control. All I could think about was sex. I wanted to avoid MO last night because I did it twice this past week, so I meditated for 15-20 mins and that seemed to do wonders. I went to sleep just fine after. Today, I felt like my libido disappeared during the day. Maybe because it was cold out, but I definitely feel different than yesterday. I do feel a "glowing" sensation in my groin area, and i'm ridiculously sensitive. On the bright side, my anxiety was really really low today. I had to do some public speaking today. I suck at public speaking, and I didn't do great today, but I felt a lot less anxious that I usually do. I also felt no anxiety when I woke up or randomly throughout the day.

Its pretty weird how i'm still not done recovering. I remember thinking back in june that I was probably done "recovering" and that the relapse I had wasn't a big deal. I was wrong Each relapse, even if its just one PMO for like 1-2 mins, really does set you back. If I had to estimate, one PMO sets you back 2 weeks. A binge probably just kills you (hope thats not discouraging, but its probably true). I did have some random cravings yesterday and today, but i'm not going to cave. I've made great progress and I just want to keep moving forward. Enough is enough.