re-reboot day 78

Submitted by needhops on
Printer-friendly version

I paid for sex... I got a lot of money out of nowhere and decided to do it. I wanted to see if I was cured and I didn't want to find out in the moment with someone I actually knew and liked. It is definitely something I regret. It was terrible. It wasn't satisfying in the least bit. At the moment, i'm experiencing some chaser, and have no desire to watch porn or masturbate, but the whole experience turned me off to sex. After I left I just thought, "whats the big deal about sex? It wasn't that great" . Of course, i'm sure that having sex with someone you actually like and someone who likes you would be a totally different game. I can see the importance of getting to know the person and cuddling and all that stuff.

I just felt like I wasted a lot of money and also that I did something that isn't right to me by principle. Anyway, my body responded better than the last time, as I was more in tune with touch, however, I suffered from PE. I guess that means i'm not done recovering? I know that others have recovered from PE, so I hope I can too. I don't really know why it happened because when I was masturbating a few weeks ago, I could pretty much control it and last 10-15 minutes easily.

Comments

I would imagine that if you

I would imagine that if you were dealing with ED it would be very nerve wracking to wonder if you will be up to the task when the time comes. The thing to remember is that intercourse is more than a physical, mechanical act between two bodies. The word intercourse literally means communication.

Remember the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld? You had to order soup concisely and properly without wasting time or he would say; "no soup for you". Going to a prostitute is like ordering soup from the Soup Nazi. It is communication, intercourse, but the emphasis is not on personal fulfillment.

I remember shared a meal with a lady friend. The meal was healthy, carefully prepared and served in a kind-hearted manner. Serving a meal to someone is a bonding experience and being on the receiving end can be very pleasant. While the food was great the companionship was even better. I'd greatly prefer a meal of sticky rice with good company over a gourmet feast with someone not so pleasant.

It's that way with sex too. Find a good partner and build a strong bond. This will prove to be a far more fulfilling experience than Soup Nazi sex with a prostitute. One last thought, if the bond is there, even less-than-great-sex will still be enjoyable. It's the company you keep, not the thrills you experience.

Thanks for the feedback

The soup nazi is a good analogy. Afterwards, I just felt empty, somewhat like masturbating. Sort of like when you masturbate and get that depressed kind of feeling that feels like "why did I just do that?" It was the same way. It was like masturbating with a partner, if that makes sense. I am doing a lot of work on myself, and hopefully i'll be able to find a good girl sometimes soon.

Relax

A bit of PE (or DE) is normal when you first start having sex again after a reboot. You may well be "done with recovering." You just need to have sex more regularly.

Time to cultivate a relationship perhaps, now that you know your manhood is fine. I-m so happy

Good to know about the normality of a little PE

That makes sense. My body doesn't really know what sex is because it was first tuned to porn, and then it was tuned to nothing. I'm experiencing the chaser effect, so while I felt empty, I certainly want more sex. I'm absolutely not going to pay for it again, but i'm sure that next time when it's with a girl thats in it for the same reasons as me, (i.e. not money), my body will get that excited feeling and know whats going to happen.

Thanks for the reassurance.