Finally, the horniness died down a little. I mentioned on day 78, I believe, that I paid for sex. I was not happy about my actions, but it came on a day that was similar to today. My libido was just utterly out of control. I couldn't think about anything other than sex. Today, I found I was able to not indulge in these feelings. Was it hard? Absolutely. I think paying for sex is both wrong and lame, but I thought about doing it many times today. Obviously, I would rather find some cool girl to hang out with, but thats not an option back in my hometown because I can't really bring girls home :( Also, part of my abandoholic recovery says no dating because it messes with recovery (which I strongly believe to be true). I think I should be finishing up my abandonoholic work shortly, so that won't be an issue for to long. I was able to get rid of the libido spike by just a ton of distraction and meditation. At one point today, I caught myself looking at pics online, but stopped when i realized what was happening. usually, i'm very strict and sharp about things that mimic porn addiction, but today I felt like an air head. Sex just overwhelmed me. It's weird because yesterday I had absolutely no libido. Everytime I thought about sex, I had that sensitation rush in my chest. The night was fine because I ended up just having a quiet night with friends and then reading, but I felt like I was dying at certain points. I knew it was just a product of neurotrasmitters going haywire, but it felt terrible.
Tomorrow, i'm going to assume that the libido will be there again, and have already planned to go to the gym early. I also just need to keep myself busy and not think about sex. Thats the big thing.