re-reboot day 82

Submitted by needhops on
Printer-friendly version

Today was a more normal day. Libido was there, but it wasn't hard to control today. I "SelfControll'ed" my computer for a full 24 hours just to be safe. Unfortunately, there are other devices lying around, like my family's ipad, so I can't completely shut myself off. I feel pretty good though. Today was a day like the usual rebooting days where I just completely stayed away from all pictures of girls and just did things like lift weights, some programming stuff and read. While yesterday was crazy in terms of unwanted fantasy and that segment where I looked at pics, I thankfully don' think to much damage was done. The pics weren't really explicit, but still girls posing and such. Still, even just a little unwanted fantasy left me with a long lasting boner. The "rush" we get from sensitization seems to have gotten stronger, which is weird. I feel like the effects of porn are diminishing, but the pull towards it and sex is getting stronger. really weird. I pretty much have to take a "time out" from whatever i'm doing when I get a rush from a cue. I feel like not indulging seems to build my self esteem and confidence. I hate living that double life with the normal me and the sexual devian side. It makes me feel guilty and its to complicated. When I was active in that, I felt jealous of my friends whose lives seemed so simple and normal.

Comments

I'm pretty sure

that a lot of this will normalize when you connect with a real partner. You've completely reconfigured your sexuality over the last year. This is a huge accomplishment.