reboot 2: day 90... still flatlining

Submitted by needhops on
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90 days since I recommited myself. Since then, ive had 2 single PMO sessions at day 46 and another around 65. After 65 you could say that I recommited myself again. I completely stayed away from sexual stiuli and started to massage myself to get my brain wired to touch. Things were going well with that along with the occasional MO. I thought that I had pretty much reccovered until last sunday, 11 days ago, I realized I was flatlining. I thought in the past I was flatlining, but I wasn't compared to whats going on now. Only erections I have are in the morning, and they don't feel as good as usual. Very little sexual thoughts, and when one pops up, or I read about a sex scene in a book, I have slight blood flow to my penis but thats it. Absolutely no desire for porn. Nothing close to an erection. For months I would get a full hard on at sexual thoughts or after reading a sex scene, but not anymore. Also not fantasizing. In the past few days i feel my libido starting up slowly. Maybe its in my head and i'm just getting used to this feeling on being sexually dead. very curious as to see whether my libido comes back at once, or whether is slowly improves. I know my flatline happend quite suddenly, I had a huge perception change in the middle of a sunday.

It does feel great though to not be thinking about sex all the time and fantasizing. That was what ive felt for a long long time until 11 days ago. I would love to get my normal libido going, where I can successfully have sex and get aroused, but not be fiending dopamine and having to fantasize.

Overall, with my first and second reboot, its been over 200 days (since january 10th) and im still going through stuff. thats fine with me as long as I recover. hopefully this ends soon.