So I joined this forum back in early 2012 I believe. The past 3 years have been a time of tremendous growth for me. In all honesty, they may end up being the most important 3 years of my life because of all of the long term implications that come with self improvement. I had gotten to a point where I was free from porn/porn related activities, but I was still unhappy, and I was still struggling with relationships. I ended up reading a book, I'm not sure if its on the yourbrainonporn.com, but if it isn't, it definitely should be. The book is 6 Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I took the book very seriously, and did the exercises in them. It was a 6-7 month program, and I stuck to it. In all honesty, it changed my life. My self esteem has truly risen high, and I finally feel happy with how things are going. I'm also finding that I can approach and interact with women from a place of equality, instead of a place of inferiority. I'm not needy for a relationship, and I am starting to feel self respect.
I think anyone who has struggled long term with feeling of insecurity should check out this book. I feel that there are definitely some people in this community that could greatly benefit from it.
Anyway, what brought me back here, aside from wanting to share the book, was that recently, things have been especially good BUT, this has led to some relapses. I wanted porn for the first time in 1.5 years yesterday, and I "escort viewed" both yesterday and today (though they weren't huge binges). I don't know where this came from: I had gone a long, long time without having problems with either of these, but randomly, they came up, and my guard was down. I sometimes wonder if I am sabotaging myself, given that things are starting to finally go well.
Anyway, I realize that I need to start taking this seriously again, and I need to start making this a priority. I hate the feelings after a relapse, I just feel so shameful and guilty, and I fear the emotional consequences that may follow. I really feel that this is the one thing that may hold me back, and I am going to start back up again in fighting urges and cravings again, starting now. I'd like to get a month under my belt for starters, and I feel if I can get that, I'll be fine, I'll be out from the really bad cravings, and will continue to do well going forward.