exactly 2 years ago, january 10th 2012, I went on my first real reboot. It was the first self help I ever did, as before, i was basically just chasing my tail in circles. Things are going great for me right now, i'm feeling pretty confident with my social skills as i've been talking to people everywhere I go. The rest of my life seems to be going well to, so its cool to see the progress i've made over 2 years. 2 years ago, I was pretty damn miserable, and quite frankly, didn't like my life or myself.
Had essentially no cravings since i've been back at school. There's just way to much going on for me to even think about relapsing. There's some pretty horrific weather where i'm staying at the moment, and it's been hard to get out much, but i've done well when possible. 2 days ago, I met a friend at a local bar, and met a bunch of new girls. One was a total stranger, and I was able to get her number, so I plan on trying to meet up with her for a drink at some point this week. Other than that, it was just good practice talking to people and getting them to open up.
Onto day 3. I don't have cable or internet at the moment, so i've been spending time outside my apartment, which is only a good thing. Making an effort to chat people up in coffee shops or where ever I am. I have cravings sometimes, but I just think about how crazy they are at the moment, given that there are people all around. I'm back to college, and there's tons of opportunities to meet girls if I just keep putting myself out there. I also don't want to compromise my brain, so to speak.
It's insane how much pull there is towards escorts right now. Even yesterday, I did a bunch of things to keep myself distracted, like yoga/meditation, reading, watching some tv, but still, the second i'm not occupied with something, the idea of sex/escorts enters my brain. This morning, I laid in bed for extra long (which I have to stop doing) and my mind just automatically went to sex/escorts. Had a bunch of fantasy. Finally got myself out of bed and downstairs. On the bright side, this is my last day back home, so i'l be going to school, where the cravings always go down.
So I recently went on another no MB streak. I started October 3rd, and went to today, (Nov 27th). I MB'ed today, and it was quite amazing. That being said, I blew my load almost immediately, and that was just from healthy, touch MB. I feel like if I have to go to a MB schedule because if i'm with a girl, I'll definitely blow my load early. For those of you who have moved on to a healthy MB schedule, how frequently do you MB for it to not be overly frequent, yet at the same time, keep your penis "ready to go"? I was thinking once 1-2 weeks.
I was an active member during 2012 and early 2013, but porn stopped being a problem for me. I still had a lot of issues to work out after quitting, so I worked on them. Recently, I felt pretty good, but still had issues with dating. I just have such strong anxiety around women, and it wasn't really something I could do anything about. Either way, About 2 weeks ago I took up yoga and started listening to these audio meditations. These anxieties have seriously washed away since starting up again. Since then i've been able to approach women.
First the good...got a girls number yesterday, and I plan on trying to meet up with her sometime soon. I also went out with some friends and met some girls who seemed to be interested in me. Could be something for the future. I credit all this to quitting porn and doing a lot of self help.
I realized I sort of stopped posting following a relapse, but other than that i'm going strong. I think i'm at day 24-26 since my last relapse, but the most important part is that since taking the dating course, I am moving along nicely. I noticed that when I get out and interact with strangers, both guys and girls, my cravings for porn/escorts goes down. I've since tried to talk to 3 strangers a day, and it's going well. I also don't have much of a desire to MO either...maybe once a week, that's all.
Today is day 14 of no escort viewing/porn/masturbation. The past few days have been tough. I've been having lots of fantasy pop ups and have been incredibly horny. I had a WD a few days ago, but that seemed to just make everything worse. Other than that things are going well. Keeping myself busy with my many hobbies, and have been continuing to stretch my boundaries with the dating course.