So the add med finally wore of (took 30 hours to do so...prob took to much haha). For those 30 hours I was very paranoid that the progress I felt that I had made was because of the euphoria the med was giving me. I think its safe to say that i happend to kinda snap out of my PMO trance when I was the med. don't get me wrong, in only on day 39 out of the rest of my life so I feel that I still have a long ways to go. I feel that I will never want to masturbate or even watch porn ever again ,which is why I say "the rest of my life".
If you didn't read my last comment on my last blog post I needa fill you in...I took add med to study and it gave me a lot of confidence and euphoria, but i know its fake so I wasn't reading into it as any sign of recovery. However, literally just now I had this urge...I'm pretty confident this was not add med related at all. I had this surge in the middle of my chest to be with a girl. It wasn't like a horny feeling, it was just a desire. I felt like something in my chest exploded.
Something I have realized with the no PMO is that i realize I need to control my expectations. I definitely am addicted to PMO- probably more just MO but was viewing porn a lot before I quit, and the MO was always to sexual fantasy and probably had a lot of the similar effects to porn because of the novelty of every experience and because addictions in general desensitize the brain. MO was the reason why I would wake up in the morning, whether Porn was involved was always situational.
In my last blog I mentioned I was going through the flatline period. I noticed that after some days it came with some other withdrawal symptoms (I assume they are related). I have been experiencing a lot of the flu like symptoms like runny nose, headache and fatigue. I also mentioned that my motivation was great during my last blog. Recently it also feels flat. I pretty much feel like I have been PMOing in that my head feels in a fog and I am always tired. I could pretty much sleep for the entire day if I chose to. My concentration was also not great today in school.