almost at one month. Pretty happy about that. I mentioned earlier that I got into a pattern of relapsing every 2-3 weeks since I got back to school. I noticed that the longer I went, the better I generally felt. Right now I feel pretty great. HOwever, i'm still leveling out. yesterday, my libido was out of control. All I could think about was sex. I wanted to avoid MO last night because I did it twice this past week, so I meditated for 15-20 mins and that seemed to do wonders. I went to sleep just fine after. Today, I felt like my libido disappeared during the day.
Feeling pretty good overall. Libido is back in a very strong way. I think sometime last week it returned. Had some porn cravings last night, but just shut them down. I didn't really need to lock myself out or anything because I knew I wasn't going to cave. It's just not worth it, and I feel more wired to real life than porn. I have cravings now and then to "just check out the site" but I know that its a slippery slope from experience. Overall anxiety seems lower than usual.
felt back to normal after intense fantasy on monday. Had a great time with friends. Last night, i had an urge to MO. It was like 2 am I was all by myself so I decided to go for it. I've never had such a strong urge for simply touch. I was semi hard before I even touched myself. It was overall a good experience.
fell into some fantasy this morning when I was half awake half asleep. It was worse fantasy that usual, very porn related. I felt the effects of that today socially, I didn't wanna talk to anyone and just wanted to be by myself. No desire to talk to anyone at all. Wasn't really in a great mood either. Was feeling very irritable, my friends were getting on my nerves.
Got to the 3 week mark. This is the longest i've gone while at school. Had some cravings last night but locked myself out of any porn. Approached a lot of girls this weekend but nothing really happened. I think theres some personal stuff I gotta work on regarding the no more mr nice guy community because I felt some of my old bad habits start to resurface when talking to girls. They suggested not to pursue any women but I started to break away from that. I'm gonna have faith in their system and try to keep myself away for the time being.
Woke up for the past few days with solid wood, as long as I don't fantasize before bed. Decided to rub one out this morning...The orgasm wasn't intense at all and I lasted a long,long time, so it was a better experience than last time when I lasted like 30 seconds and the orgasm was intense. Feel no hangover from it whatsoever. Unfortunately, I am apparently being set up with a good looking girl tonight, so I wish I had held off, but I didn't know this until it was to late.
A few days shy of the 3 week mark. After refocusing myself, 3 weeks doesn't seem like anything at all. Met another girl over the weekend. I like her better than the last girl I met. She seemed really interested in me, but doesn't hook up with guys she just met, so I just got her number. I texted with her yesterday, so hopefully I will get to meet up with her at some point. My social skills have definitely gotten better.
Last night I went out to the bars. I saw some stuff that was pretty hot. For instance, I was dancing on this girl that had 2 friends she was dancing in a circle with, and at times the 3 of them would all make out with each other. This girl was also a good dancer, and I think that sort of shocked me back into arousal by touch. This morning I was feeling really horny and I could tell my sensitvity was back. I sort of went into fantasy but made sure I got myself out. After coming down from the fantasy I MO'ed to touch.
My overall sense of well being is pretty good right now. I feel pretty confident and sociable. when I look in the mirror I have that bright look in my eyes, not that dulled out PMO look. I went out on a lunch date with this girl I mentioned earlier. I met her when I was drunk, and I realized I wasn't as into her as I thought. overall it was a good date and i'm pretty sure she likes me, but i'm not sure what I think about her. She's really nice, but idk if she really turns me on. I feel like I can't get excited about her.
Held of watching porn last night. I can hold of well at all times unless i'm drunk. Almost all of my relapses happen while drinking. I have a good porn blocker for my computer, but I need one for my iphone. if anyone has any suggestions id appreciate it.
Everyday of porn feels better than the last. Its amazing how addictions work; i know that porn fucks up my life but at times I want it so badly that it doesn't matter.