needhops's blog

re-reboot day 29

Submitted by needhops on

almost at one month. Pretty happy about that. I mentioned earlier that I got into a pattern of relapsing every 2-3 weeks since I got back to school. I noticed that the longer I went, the better I generally felt. Right now I feel pretty great. HOwever, i'm still leveling out. yesterday, my libido was out of control. All I could think about was sex. I wanted to avoid MO last night because I did it twice this past week, so I meditated for 15-20 mins and that seemed to do wonders. I went to sleep just fine after. Today, I felt like my libido disappeared during the day.

re-reboot 4 weeks

Submitted by needhops on

Feeling pretty good overall. Libido is back in a very strong way. I think sometime last week it returned. Had some porn cravings last night, but just shut them down. I didn't really need to lock myself out or anything because I knew I wasn't going to cave. It's just not worth it, and I feel more wired to real life than porn. I have cravings now and then to "just check out the site" but I know that its a slippery slope from experience. Overall anxiety seems lower than usual.

re-reboot day 26

Submitted by needhops on

felt back to normal after intense fantasy on monday. Had a great time with friends. Last night, i had an urge to MO. It was like 2 am I was all by myself so I decided to go for it. I've never had such a strong urge for simply touch. I was semi hard before I even touched myself. It was overall a good experience.

re-reboot day 23

Submitted by needhops on

fell into some fantasy this morning when I was half awake half asleep. It was worse fantasy that usual, very porn related. I felt the effects of that today socially, I didn't wanna talk to anyone and just wanted to be by myself. No desire to talk to anyone at all. Wasn't really in a great mood either. Was feeling very irritable, my friends were getting on my nerves.

re-reboot 3 weeks

Submitted by needhops on

Got to the 3 week mark. This is the longest i've gone while at school. Had some cravings last night but locked myself out of any porn. Approached a lot of girls this weekend but nothing really happened. I think theres some personal stuff I gotta work on regarding the no more mr nice guy community because I felt some of my old bad habits start to resurface when talking to girls. They suggested not to pursue any women but I started to break away from that. I'm gonna have faith in their system and try to keep myself away for the time being.

re-reboot day 18

Submitted by needhops on

Woke up for the past few days with solid wood, as long as I don't fantasize before bed. Decided to rub one out this morning...The orgasm wasn't intense at all and I lasted a long,long time, so it was a better experience than last time when I lasted like 30 seconds and the orgasm was intense. Feel no hangover from it whatsoever. Unfortunately, I am apparently being set up with a good looking girl tonight, so I wish I had held off, but I didn't know this until it was to late.

re-reboot day 17

Submitted by needhops on

A few days shy of the 3 week mark. After refocusing myself, 3 weeks doesn't seem like anything at all. Met another girl over the weekend. I like her better than the last girl I met. She seemed really interested in me, but doesn't hook up with guys she just met, so I just got her number. I texted with her yesterday, so hopefully I will get to meet up with her at some point. My social skills have definitely gotten better.

re-reboot 2 weeks *possible trigger so be careful*

Submitted by needhops on

Last night I went out to the bars. I saw some stuff that was pretty hot. For instance, I was dancing on this girl that had 2 friends she was dancing in a circle with, and at times the 3 of them would all make out with each other. This girl was also a good dancer, and I think that sort of shocked me back into arousal by touch. This morning I was feeling really horny and I could tell my sensitvity was back. I sort of went into fantasy but made sure I got myself out. After coming down from the fantasy I MO'ed to touch.

re-reboot 13 days

Submitted by needhops on

My overall sense of well being is pretty good right now. I feel pretty confident and sociable. when I look in the mirror I have that bright look in my eyes, not that dulled out PMO look. I went out on a lunch date with this girl I mentioned earlier. I met her when I was drunk, and I realized I wasn't as into her as I thought. overall it was a good date and i'm pretty sure she likes me, but i'm not sure what I think about her. She's really nice, but idk if she really turns me on. I feel like I can't get excited about her.

re-reboot day 6

Submitted by needhops on

Held of watching porn last night. I can hold of well at all times unless i'm drunk. Almost all of my relapses happen while drinking. I have a good porn blocker for my computer, but I need one for my iphone. if anyone has any suggestions id appreciate it.

Everyday of porn feels better than the last. Its amazing how addictions work; i know that porn fucks up my life but at times I want it so badly that it doesn't matter.

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