needhops's blog

Refocusing

Submitted by needhops on

Unfortunately I never got to meet up with that girl last week. We might meet up at some point but I'm not positive. It would he nice but I don't care either way. I also watched porn once...

So much for my back on the wagon post.

I think I need to post here a little more frequently. I watched it last Saturday had some chaser, but resisted and feel ok at this point. I felt pretty depressed earlier in the week. I wonder if it was because of porn. Watching it seemed to rock my foundation a bit. Each day away felt better than the last.

Back on the wagon

Submitted by needhops on

its been over 3 weeks since my last relapse. I havent had any porn cravings recently. I noticed that when I relapse, i have em hard for 2 weeks then they die down. very sensative to touch when MO. Social interactions are fantastic. I know people post this all the time, but its completely worth giving up porn. With porn, you get your high for a short period of time. Without it, I feel great pretty much all day. Its taken me a long time to get to this point; I first started rebooting in january.

relapsed

Submitted by needhops on

Fucked up last night and watched porn. I was really drunk and somehow rationalized it. Things have been going really well recently, so I am going to recommit myself to quitting. I watched it twice since i've been back to school. I am also going to stop masturbation for a while.

I am going to go for 3 weeks of no PMO. At that point I will reevaluate whether I can handle MO again.

about 2 weeks since relapse...

Submitted by needhops on

hey guys...I've actually had some porn cravings, but that is probably a combined result of my relapse 2 weeks ago and my friends, who are "normal people" who are totally into porn and keep talking about it. I thought id post because i've had some cravings today and i have been drinking. I don't wanna relapse because I know the consequences.

I posted because I know it will help me stay sober if i do so.

I am going to pass out now...will post a more coherant blog tomorrow of tonights events...

over week since relapse

Submitted by needhops on

So a week after screwing up while drunk, it seems that progress was not lost. I seem a little dead libido wise, but I had no cravings for porn at all. I still seem to be very aroused to touch. Tonight was interesting. This girl I know from class wanted to hook up with me, but I wasn't really interested. All of my friends were eging me on, but I just said no.

day after relapse

Submitted by needhops on

No bad effects socially. I actually had a great time last night. I was very social and talked to a ton of guys and girls that I don't know. In terms of my sexual responsiveness, i think I took a step back. I am still wired to touch, as in a penis massage feels great, but I don't get hard as easily. I also don't think my erection was as big as it was say 4 days ago. weird how porn does that...

No cravings for porn. the porn scenes entered my mind a few times yesterday but I shooed them out of my attention. Hopefully ill bounce back quickly

reboot 2: day 106

Submitted by needhops on

Finally made my first cold approach today. when i say cold approach, I mean I went up to a complete girl stranger at the mall that was hot and hit on her. Its funny, this is something that is so outside my comfort zone. After reading The Manual (w-anton), I realized it was something i had to do ( again amazing book, I would have never had the balls to do this if it werent for this book, along with quitting porn). I also realized that I have never truly hit on girls.

reboot 2: day 102

Submitted by needhops on

Today I noticed some of the effects of fantasy. This morning i woke up and fell into some fantasy. It wasn't hardcore porn fantasy, it was more imagining myself with attractive girls. I noticed today that i am feeling more irritable and less social. It could be from other factors, but usually I avoid morning fantasy when I start to feel it coming on. usually I just start meditating. Today I didn't do as good of a job.

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