Hey!

Submitted by newby on
Printer-friendly version

Hey guys! I am a completely new person to your community. I am not familiar with karezza and it does not sound interesting. Now, you may wonder why then am I here. It is not that I would not like the idea of not reaching an orgasm while having sex, but rather that I never had sex and I think that when I do, I need to try many things out, karezza not being first on the list, however.

Anyways. I am here, because I am a masturbation addict. I had an orgasm once and since then I was addicted to masturbation. My life sucked before and after the addiction, but I think that it sucked before only due to teenage hormones (I was 13 or 14 by the time). After that I got to a much better school and later on to a very good university. Yet, I found myself depressed and anti-social for most of the time. I was making friends with similar people. As a member of pickup artists' community I do not solely believe that masturbation is the only problem I am so unsuccessful in relationship... But rather there are plenty of other, complex issues I am having and they are hard to fix. But more on that later.

Some thoughts about myself:
-I am 20, male, short (in my country I am shorter than an average female! 172 cm) and girls usually don't find me attractive, but when they do, I have little self-confidence to do anything about it (it's not that I would FEEL the fear of rejection, but rather that my mind goes blank, I am uncreative and I have no ideas what should or could I do).
-I only used pornography for very short time when I was a teenage.
-I masturbated so much (>3 times a day, 365 days a year), that I got exzema on my scrotum. And I believe that masturbation is core cause for it, so I am full of motivation to stop doing it entirely.
-I never had a girlfriend, nor had sex, so I really need to stop wasting my life as much as possible.
-I find it hard to focus. I am not able to read a single A4 sheet of text continuously.
-I haven't read a book for a few years... because they are too demanding for attention. Even thought I would love to read some of them!
-I have a big belly and it makes me feel uncomfortable when around people. I also do not feel comfortable when thinking about having sex and how that belly would affect my attractiveness to a girl. I am almost certain that the belly was caused by stress (aka cortisol hormone) and that was largely affected by my masturbation habits.
-After withdrawal I had super good mood swings. They are great and I think I could live with them, but I am depressed for more time than in a good mood, so... There's no way in hell I will continue masturbating.

Before starting this post I had a thought for it, so here it goes... For how long will I stay so depressed? I stopped masturbating 23 days ago. I no longer have any cravings, but I am currently in highly stressful situations and I heard that when one is stressed, you do not have cravings... But I feel depressed and it's worse than having cravings to deal with... Can anyone answer this question for me? How long should I wait before looking for serious medical help about my depression?

P. S. Any comments are highly welcome, I'd love to talk and listen to your similar experiences/thoughts!

Comments

Welcome

I admire your courage for experimenting. It can be tough at first. Withdrawal symptoms are nasty: What does withdrawal from porn addiction look like?

Actually, stress normally increases cravings. That's why withdrawal (which is stressful) is so challenging.

There are lots of techniques guys have found useful here -  things like vigorous exercise, meditation, time in nature, cold showers, etc.:

♦Solo Tools

Ideas for connecting with people (some of which may apply in your country too): ♦Tools to Connect

But my immediate suggestion is that you join one of these forums:

REDDIT.NoFap

YOURBRAINREBALANCED.COM

http://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/

Concerns like yours come up all the time on those forums (which are mostly guys recovering). The second one lets you create your own journal...which other guys then comment on.

Also, this is a tool I created for those awkward moments when you need advice and inspiration:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/uncle-bob-porn-addiction-recovery-tips

Good luck! (You're welcome to post here, too, of course.)

And don't worry about your height. It's not something you can change, and I'm sure there are women who would find your size just right.

*big hug*