I'm in a pretty good mood, but this is after another rock-bottom experience this week. My latest downward spiral ended with me in a strip club having terrible sex with a stripper in the back room.
I've been stuck in about a weekly binge / purge cycle for the past month. I can't seem to get past the 5 to 7 day point where I get super horny, end up edging, finding porn anywhere I can (I have k9 but somehow find loopholes,) and then binging for a day or two. There are a couple girls in my life that I could be dating, but I want to break this cycle before I try a real relationship again. If I don't, I'll just sabotage things with the next girl.
This week was the worst so far though. I was on a business trip and managed to resist the temptation to watch the pay per view porn on the hotel TV for the first couple of nights. Then on the third night, I couldn't resist any longer. I ordered and watched $50 worth of like 6 hours of porn. I had to be up at 5am to catch my flight the next night, was super tired that morning, and barely made it. That evening I was so pissed and sexually frustrated, I decided to go to a strip club and at least look at some real life boobs.
At the club I decided to get a dance, but the chick turned out to be a crafty hooker. I told her no at first, but somehow we ended up having really bad sex in the back private room. I was half hard, popped out after a minute or so, and then just finished while she went down on me with the condom still on. It was really pretty humiliating, plus I owed her $150 afterwards.
Man I felt like shit after that, but now I'm kind of laughing about it. I suppose everyone makes mistakes. I'm pretty sure there's no where to go but up, after you binge on porn for 6 hours, go to a strip club, and bang a hooker the next night... lol.
Well now it's a couple days later, and I feel alright. I masturbated this morning, but no porn, so I consider it a win after this weeks disaster. I'm still in the recovery game, but man this is way tougher than I ever imagined. Nothing in life comes easy though, and as I always say... I will overcome.