A strange feeling of joy comes after hitting rock bottom.

Submitted by overcome on
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I'm in a pretty good mood, but this is after another rock-bottom experience this week. My latest downward spiral ended with me in a strip club having terrible sex with a stripper in the back room.

I've been stuck in about a weekly binge / purge cycle for the past month. I can't seem to get past the 5 to 7 day point where I get super horny, end up edging, finding porn anywhere I can (I have k9 but somehow find loopholes,) and then binging for a day or two. There are a couple girls in my life that I could be dating, but I want to break this cycle before I try a real relationship again. If I don't, I'll just sabotage things with the next girl.

This week was the worst so far though. I was on a business trip and managed to resist the temptation to watch the pay per view porn on the hotel TV for the first couple of nights. Then on the third night, I couldn't resist any longer. I ordered and watched $50 worth of like 6 hours of porn. I had to be up at 5am to catch my flight the next night, was super tired that morning, and barely made it. That evening I was so pissed and sexually frustrated, I decided to go to a strip club and at least look at some real life boobs.

At the club I decided to get a dance, but the chick turned out to be a crafty hooker. I told her no at first, but somehow we ended up having really bad sex in the back private room. I was half hard, popped out after a minute or so, and then just finished while she went down on me with the condom still on. It was really pretty humiliating, plus I owed her $150 afterwards.

Man I felt like shit after that, but now I'm kind of laughing about it. I suppose everyone makes mistakes. I'm pretty sure there's no where to go but up, after you binge on porn for 6 hours, go to a strip club, and bang a hooker the next night... lol.

Well now it's a couple days later, and I feel alright. I masturbated this morning, but no porn, so I consider it a win after this weeks disaster. I'm still in the recovery game, but man this is way tougher than I ever imagined. Nothing in life comes easy though, and as I always say... I will overcome.

Comments

Keep fighting

I know how you feel man, still trying to figure this whole thing out myself. And at least you can laugh about your mistakes, it's way better than being down on yourself.