The return of Count Wankula

Submitted by Pertonis on
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I feel like I've been steamrolled by a train. I feel quite horrible....

I just realized(by logging in here) that I started this process, almost 3 years ago. I thought it was shorter.

My life has been filled with high's and lows. The best part is that I've been regaining my energy and strengt, but also I had minimized my porn usage to 1-3times a week(down from 20-gazillion). But alas, it has been creeping back in. And I have tried many method's: take a pause from the computer, meditate, think that I just need to keep going; it will get better. But I feel like it won't. I feel pretty self loathing at the moment. And the fact of the matter is that, I need to be able to be myself, fully, very soon. I can't keep going like this. It's like I'm constantly being punched in the face. It would be awesome with just a magic pill. The fact of the matter is, it would be good with a complete retreat from society, for a few weeks. No computer, no ad signs, no luring pictures online or not.

I think to make a long story short. I'm sick of this. I'm taking back the control, and the best way, is to tell you guys about it. Perhaps no one will read this. And perhaps someone will. Hopefully my diarizing will be of some use, to me, and perhaps others.

Goodbye!

-Captain fluffy brain

Comments

Discouragement is the addiction talking

The past doesn't matter a bit. All that matters is that you learn what you need to learn, however long it takes.

I never had the sense when you were here before that you really were willing to never watch porn again. I think you may have to make that decision. Here's a good talk by a recovering guy: The Top 3 FATAL MISTAKES Rebooters Make

Lots more here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-advice-observations