Proverbs31.30's blog

Day 1

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

Well, I've blown it again last night. When I went to bed, my cravings became kind of overwhelming and I did it again. Of course I could have resisted, but I didn't want to. Of course I don't like the fact that I have to start at square one again now, but that's the way it is! Just now, I felt like I would like to get some relief again, but I tried energy circulation instead - and I will keep trying. The thing is that my brain is wired to get this kind of reward, and it's so hard to break this cycle!

Almost 1 1/2 years of sobriety, and then... (WARNING - MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERS)

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

Hello everybody, it's been a long time since I've posted here last, but I'm currently in a situation where I feel the need to share about my struggles again.

I indulged in FMO for the last time back in 2013, when I was interested in somebody. However, it ended in another buried affection; and I even got so depressed at some point that I lost any interest in fantasizing.

Battle for Purity - part I

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

So here I'm back again. The last time I posted, I felt this sense of numbness, and I had this unusual feeling that I wouldn't want to be touched by my husband right now if I had one. However, this is not the case anymore. In fact, I've been having struggles again not to resort to these wonderful fantasies of being intimate with my man; touching myself etc. This morning, I realized again that I should make it a point not to linger in bed too long after waking up. So I'm trying to distract myself from these thoughts triggered by my physical and emotional cravings.


Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

Hello I'm back once again on this forum! Many things have happened since my last entry.

The most exciting thing is that I've met a wonderful Christian man. We are getting to know each other and I feel very comfortable with him. I've never been so sure that this must be the right one, as I have never seen so much compatibility. I've counseled with somebody who knows both him and me, and this person is also optimistic. But time will tell of course.

Back again

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

It's been almost 9 months that I have posted something here. Today, I spontaneously decided to give you an update. I have a strong urge to open up myself, but since the matter is sooo intimate, I can't talk to anybody in person right now. Thank God for the anonymity of this site!

Still strong

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

As far as I'm informed, for men there are ups und downs when it comes to sexual performance - but it's not necessarily according to a specific pattern. There are just times when they are very much into having sex; and there are times when they can easily dispense with it (please correct me if I'm wrong).

Interesting developments - WARNING! CONTAINS TRIGGERS!

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on

Currently, I'm staying at a beautiful place in the middle of nowhere participating in a seminar on marriage and family. It is held by a couple from the US who do this on a fulltime basis. My wonderful friend (and prospective boyfriend) is the interpreter, and we have been having a great time. He continues to tease me and we have been having nice fellowship together.