Day 1

Submitted by Proverbs31.30 on
Printer-friendly version

Well, I've blown it again last night. When I went to bed, my cravings became kind of overwhelming and I did it again. Of course I could have resisted, but I didn't want to. Of course I don't like the fact that I have to start at square one again now, but that's the way it is! Just now, I felt like I would like to get some relief again, but I tried energy circulation instead - and I will keep trying. The thing is that my brain is wired to get this kind of reward, and it's so hard to break this cycle! But yesterday, it marked 3 months that I fell back into the habit (on and off) after about 1 1/2 years without FMO (not necessarily without fantiasies though); so I think it's time now to break this vicious cylce again.

There is a quote that I read this morning in "Steps to Christ". I know most people here are not necessarily into the bible and Christianity, but I think this is the essence of what God wants for all of us:

"And do not forget the words of Christ, “The Father Himself loveth you.” John 16:27. He desires to restore you to Himself, to see His own purity and holiness reflected in you. And if you will but yield yourself to Him, He that hath begun a good work in you will carry it forward to the day of Jesus Christ." (Steps to Christ, p. 63)


My guess is that if you can

unhook for about two weeks, things will get easier. Of course, around ovulation you're likely to fire up for a few days.

Have you joined a Christian singles dating site? It might be just the ticket for you.

keep trying the energy circulation

It may take some time and practice but eventually you will be able to circulate your sexual energy up your spine to the top of your head and down the front of your body to the navel and genital area. So instead of having an imploding clitoral orgasm it would be more of a full body pleasurable energy.

When you find a suitable partner you will have the experience and control to accept and merge with male sexual energy .

And the steps to Christ will have intuitive meaning for you.

Doing pretty good

My cravings have somewhat calmed down, although I have still indulged in fantasies quite a bit. The home I have visited these past few days didn't have air conditioning, and Thursday was such a hot day that I just couldn't sleep in my pajamas. So I got undressed, being aware that me and being naked in bed is not such a good combination. I also had a firm pillow, which I tucked between my thighs, knowing that I may be tempted to start humping again. However, I restricted myself to energy circulation; and have continued with that whenever I started focusing again on the throbbing at my clitoris. I hope it will get even easier with time.

As for Christian singles dating sites, I have tried those over and over again, but without success. While I met some nice young men and even made lasting friendships with all kinds of people, Mr. Right hasn't come into my life that way. Thus, I've decided not to go that route anymore.

Within the next 2 1/2 months, I'll be traveling in 7 different countries though, and at every single place I'm going to meet like-minded people. One could think that this would probably open up lots of opportunities, but I'd better not bargain with it. It's the Lord's timing, and if HE has marriage in mind for me, He will bring it to pass in HIS time.

God took a Body in Christ

I have, for the most part, been successful avoiding masturbation to orgasm by faking it. When I feel the desire to masturbate I spread the feeling throughout my body. It's kind of like taking taoman's suggestions but keeping it physical. What is the sensation of my scalp? my belly? my cheeks? I focus on the sensuality of my whole body and not just my penis. Then I fake it. I allow the breath pattern and whole body convulsions of what an orgasm. I pretend cum. I let the electricity, like that of an orgasm, jolt and flop me about the bed like a fish out of water. I work it until I am satisfied and sometimes exhausted. There is no fantasy, just the reality of my body. Of course, this has led to me finally taking hold and jerking off but I avoid doing that better than 9 times out of 10. I don't recall if Marnia or Gary have ever commented on the physiology of this.

I have no idea really

Maybe it depends on how it affects you. I'm a strong believer in the value of "everyone's personal laboratory."

I know I've heard men say that if they stop an orgasm using the Daoist "3-finger method," for example, there's less fallout, so maybe it minimizes the dopamine+other neurochemicals "rush" (and fallout).

Maybe it matters how close to the edge you get too.

But it seems like "edging" might be a strain on your body. What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm? | Your Brain On Porn

It's a funny thing

I know what edging is, lawd knows I've done it enough. Edging most definitely builds up the dopamine (kind of why I did it). It seems to me that faking it bypasses the dope. I get horny and feel the urge to have sex or masturbate. When I decide to go ahead and fake it, it's like bypassing the whole deal. It becomes a separate thing, and then it's done. It's always an alternative to the original desire, never the urge to fake it. There is no build up. The energy flows and is released almost immediately. The Daoist 3 finger method is edging as near as I can tell. I think finding pleasure in your own body without fantasy is very different than looking at porn.