Hi there! It’s been quite a while that I participated in this forum. Part of the reason is that, for most of the past couple years, I lived at a Christian center in the US, and the internet connection there filters out this website.
I’m still not married, but of course my sexual cravings remain unchanged. I was sober from masturbation for about 18 months when I started laying hands on myself again. It was partly due to the fact that I had become interested in a nice and very good-looking young man, and thus started heavily fantasizing again. Then it happened during a time of extreme physical exhaustion that I went down that road again. That was last year in March, and ever since I've been doing it on and off. I did manage to abstain from October last year until May of this year; but again, a time of severe physical taxation pulled the trigger so that I stimulated myself again. So since then, I'm on and off again.
In fact, I'm on a reboot again since this very morning. I MO'd three times in the past couple days. Unfortunately, this feeling is too beautiful to just give it up like this! Lately, I have realized that I do enjoy edging. At some point, I was wondering whether it wouldn't be enough for me just to edge, since it gives me this nice feeling accompanied with relaxation. But then I would always want to go all the way to the O, because I crave this dopamine kick with total relaxation afterwards. And in these days, I've even been doing it in spite of being on my period! This has never really happened before, and I'm becoming a bit worried.
Now I have read on the "NoFap" website that if I flood my receptors with dopamine, they wouldn't heal. Hm, so I'm just wondering now where is the real difference between solo-sex and partner-sex? In one article on "Your brain on Porn", it quotes:
"What about edging without using porn? Depends on your goals I guess. Keep in mind that YBOP is about Internet porn, not masturbation (hello nofap/reddit). Is it similar to simply staying close to the edge with a partner? Not exactly, because you are wiring your sexual response to your own hand."
But what if I gave my spouse instructions to stimulate me in a certain way? Wouldn't this be the same like masturbating?
I know it's not encouraged on this site to go all the way to O, and I would indeed be intrigued to try Karezza with my future spouse (especially after reading some of the reports here!); but at least in the beginning, I would also like to experience conventional sex, as I have only experienced that in pre-marital relationships and not in the relationship that God ordained exclusively for sex.
But I'm not even in a relationship yet. However I do have a potential prospect, which again doesn't make it easy to keep the fantasies at bay - but I'm defininitely doing much better in this department than I did with the last guy.
Anyway, I'm also wondering whether it would be ok if I gently caress my body (right now, I really like my body, as I have lost some weight), and how I could do this without becoming too aroused. Yes, I'm remembering this technique where you deviate your sexual energy into other parts of the body than breasts and genitals, but I figure that this takes a lot of discipline!