yet again with renewed hope

Submitted by recover1111 on
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I am posting here after more than an year again. I have been able to abstain from porn and masturbation on and off
(max period of around 45 days) but fell back to old habits the rest of the time. over this period I have gained better understanding of myself. hope this can make a difference.
would like to reboot again. Today is day 1
any advice and support welcome

Thanks

Comments

45 days is good. If you can

45 days is good. If you can get by the first 2-3 weeks, the hardest part is over. The key is sustaining this over longer periods of time. After you get deeper into the reboot, the only part you need to beware of is your brain trying to rationalize. I've learned to recognize patterns that lead to relapses, like what thoughts pop up in regard to porn. For example, the biggest one is "lets just see if xyz has any new videos up, we won't watch lets just see if there are any new ones.". Well I know now when my brain says that, that giving in just a little will lead to a relapse. It's a slippery, slippery slope. Just try to learn from relapses, and if you do relapse, not to binge. Eventually, you'll get there.

what keeps guys back

I think it's the lack of replacements for the jobs that porn does in their life. People use porn to do a job. Kill boredom. Kill loneliness. Soothe their nerves when a disappointment happens or anxiety happens.

The key to getting off PMO is to find other behaviors to substitute for these jobs.

This is how habits get replaced. 

The guys who fail don't replace habits. But the brain doesn't do well with "don't". It does well with "do this when" or "if this happens, then do this" decided well in advance and practiced on a regular basis.

For example, if I'm eating right, and I get hungry I eat some nuts or some veggies or raw milk cheese, rather than eating candy, cookies or bread. It's a substitute for me, a replacement behavior that is consistent with where I want to be on my diet.

That's how it is for PMO. Fortunately, if you are in a position to have a partner, you can build up oxytocin with your partner and really jumpstart the whole thing. Oxytocin helps to make it much easier to kick addictive behaviors.