Deep into new waters. Non-linearity is making another unwanted appearance as things have taken a turn for the low. Held the hand of my girlfriend and got a solid erection from it as a result (little awkward walking into an ice cream shop with a cone already in my pants). Also, over the weekend I got a few spontaneous erections but I just haven't felt that real uptick in libido I keep hoping for. I have been pretty moody and I have had cravings to look at porn, though I have successfully said no to them all. I did masturbate (didn't come close to orgasm as it was literally for a minute) very briefly this morning, employing a soft grip and no fantasizing. To my pleasant surprise I could control myself (thank you kegels). It didn't feel very good, almost weird. I feel like I'm rounding the corner, as I am still used to the death grip, so the soft grip left my mind and body almost unsure of whether or not I enjoyed, though my erection said I liked it :) I did have to use a little bit of manual stimulation to get myself up, but it wasn't very long nor was it forced and so aggressive like in my PMO days, where I would have to literally death grip my dick and stroke it rapidly for the first half of the session.
I felt a little horny after the session but I disregarded those feelings and spent the rest of my day in a zone of no horniness and high apathy.
I have had a few days during this reboot where I really wanted to be with my girlfriend so we could make love. These thoughts are remarkable, as during my PMO days I would want to find a girl to "fuck." I can't believe how crude porn is. I was so hypnotized by the hyper-stimulation that I lost track with reality. I have never had a girlfriend before so there a lot of new experiences for me. Will post again in one week and I'm hoping to post some great news and more progress.
Hope everyone is doing well.