*******This post originally appeared on our website's blog (recoveringsexaddicts.com/diary-of-a-no-fapper). I'd appreciate helpful comments!
Karezza seems to be delivering on some of the things it claims, but not because it's easy. In fact, it's training me to be more self-controlled than I've been in a very long time, but in a way that makes me actually desire to be self-controlled so that I'll have a greater reward. The benefits of exercising such self-control are currently outweighing any temporary benefits I might get from masturbating or climaxing with my wife. I feel like our relationship is stable, loving, and affectionate. I don't want to be sexual with other women or look at porn (though I might find them sexually appealing), because what's going on in my relationship is much more exciting.
For instance, the other night the suggested Karezza exercise was to gently and comfortingly place our hands on each other's genitals, without any movement or stimulation. Just sending peace and love was the idea. Neither of us was ready for this. We had gone 1.5 weeks without much sexual intimacy at all, but rather mostly (platonic) affectionate behaviors that one would do with his own children (hugs, looking in each other's eyes more, gentle massage, comforting touch/back scratches, etc. So needless to say, when we touched each other in an explicitly sexual area for the first time in a while, it was tough not to go crazy with arousal! I actually felt more controlled than my wife, who got very heated. It wasn't long before we were in our usual orgasm-driven foreplay routine. It was very hard to stop once we started, but we eventually did. This also made it very difficult to fall asleep.
The fallout from this was interesting. For me, it was like being in the courtship phase of our relationship again, when we used to be sexual without having sex (due to religious reasons at the time). The day after this little escapade, I've felt more romantic towards my wife than I have in a long time. I'm interested in sex, sure. But I also have all these romantic feelings. I want to woo her, do things for her, etc. Things I don't usually feel when I see her as a housemate and sexual object. She sees the difference, too, and likes it. This makes her more interested in me, and helps her feel safer with me as well.
However, she woke up feeling a little depressed (figures!). She told me she hasn't felt any depression the past 1.5 weeks while doing Karezza, but feels so now. Could it be related to our sex-charged night, where both of us were driven mainly by desire (dopamine) rather than intimacy (oxytocin)? If so, why did it affect me so positively, but her negatively?
I'm not sure. I'm not sure if Karezza is a healthy sexual practice or not. Most of the time, it feels like it's at least an emotionally healthy practice. But what is healthy sexuality, anyways? How do you know when you have it?