Hello All. Today is 120 days without porn. I'm doing well!
I have been masturbating to sensation and minimal fantasy when I feel like it. When I first reintroduced MO back into the mix, around day 70 I think, it was so exciting that I kind of went crazy and did it numerous times within just a few days. Now, however, I'm at a point where it's just part of my natural cycle. It's not uncommon for me to go over a week or 10 days without it, and it's not a struggle at all. It's like I don't even think about it until my libido slaps me and says, "Hey, remember me? We've got business to take care of!"
A lot of people make a big fuss over the notion that, in the days following an orgasm, the opposite sex becomes less attracted to you, or that you become less hungry for the opposite sex. While I believe this is somewhat true at the *beginning* of the reboot process, I'm finding that to be less the case now. After all, if you believe this, then you're saying that all attraction is based solely on sex and reproduction. But I believe that human beings are attracted to affection, bonding, and connection. Yes, sex plays a part in this, but it is not the whole cookie, just a small piece.
These days, after I have an O, I often find myself just as (if not more) on the lookout for females. I think that this is an example of the difference between pornography and simple, "traditional" masturbation. Pornography causes you to dump dopamine to the point where you become desensitized to EVERYTHING. Masturbation, in and of itself, does not have this effect, especially when it's done in moderation.
I feel like I'm pretty much out of the danger zone in terms of having a relapse. I don't get cravings anymore and the idea of porn disgusts me. I won't ever look at porn again, but if I did, the only thing I would be thinking about is all of the stuff you find on YBOP or Reuniting, all the stories I've read, all the things I've heard, and that pretty much takes any pleasure out of it. The truth hurts, I guess. Ignorance is bliss.
One thing that still affects me from time to time is porn flashbacks. They don't really have any consequence as I'm able to block them out immediately, but it's kind of annoying when they happen. I also find that a lot of regular things will trigger a memory of porn. For instance, if I hear a girl's name that is the same as a porn actress that I used to watch, I'll sort of get a flashback of her. I think that one day I'll be rid of this phenomenon. It's just an indicator of how entrenched porn can become when you have immersed yourself in it for years. I look forward to the day when it breathes its very last breath.