So much has happened btwn Traveler and I since my last that I don't know where to start therefore this post may be some what choppy.
We have been together a lot, up to 9 hrs of bliss at a time. I think not to have O's however, when she pulls on me, I find that I lose discipline and the instinct drives me to the end. Twice in four hrs. once and the dopamine high was obvious as was the love Traveler exhibited and let me revel in! The acceptance and love and pleasure is of "no equal!"
Extended periods of love making also occurred w/o an O. I was amazed of the height that Traveler was able to walk me up to, numerous times, and not have an O. "Interesting" as I put it as I am still used to the "old patterns!" I like the love and the stimulation. I know that after an O the fatigue, which is also often interpreted as lack of interest, follows along with other problematic patterns such as "lack of interest" (emphasis) and attentiveness which can lead to frustration.
The O at this point is not a goal of mine. I give myself the leeway that if one occurs, that it is ok, but that it (O) is not the goal/end.
The last time traveler and I were together she confided in me and told me how she felt the day/night before (this is the day after where I had 2 O's in 4 hrs).
She pointed out that I was more self-centered, inattentive and, even though at times, passionate but never following through. This led to feelings of sexual frustration and unacknowledged needs by Traveler, caused by my dulled interest (conveying my thoughts of love) of her needs because of where I'm at on the "passion cycle" at this time.
I felt physically exhausted and was in and out of touch with Traveler. She shared with me that at times she was so open and I was, at best, inattentive to her needs. I attribute this physical exhaustion to the double O's I had the previous day as I can compare this with previous days where I did not have an O or single O only.
The really good part of this is Traveler and I communicated this morning, via telephone, and both worked through the feelings and confusion which we both experienced last night. Previous to learning about karezza this would have led to a fallout between us and possible break-up again (which we called "here we are again").
After our talk, we went to breakfast. As soon as I saw her, she looked as beautiful as ever. We discussed at length various issues. One thing that became obvious was our repetitive break-ups and re-unions were really based on primal instincts and not how much we love and want to love each other. I don't ever, under any circumstance, wish to alienate or minimize Traveler in any way so therefore, as much as I enjoyed my previous sexual patterns with O's, it's going to be "like 'em but leaving 'em".