I haven't been writing in a while because I have been busy with school and work. Unfortunately, when I get stressed, I am less likely to follow up with habits that have helped me in the past. But it is fine. I have also been too busy to act out on any major bottom lines.
I over-committed myself for the fall semester and played catch-up for most of the semester. I managed to do fine in my classes, but I was not able to give 100% attention and devotion to everything. My scope was also narrow throughout the semester because I was not taking care of my sobriety, not practicing sobriety, and not doing the important things that help pull me along. Part of this was due to the amount of stress and stress, as we know, is a major factor in depression, addiction, and poor emotional states. I felt like I was just maintaining throughout the semester and just trying to manage myself. That is not to say that I did not abstain from PMO at times. In fact, I had a particularly tough week with finals that required a lot of presentations and group work, things that require interpersonal skills and confidence. I knew that this would be emotionally challenging in my addictive state, so I used abstaining from PMO to get the upper hand on the situation. I have done this in the past just because I am so familiar with the highs and lows of addiction and how it affects my abilities. Finals worked out fine and I was able to be present for most of them.
I have been with forun girl for a while, but I have ventured out on her a couple of times and am in communication via social media with women that I have known in the past, but they are on the other side of the country. She is no doubt a great person and we are growing closer in a lot of ways, and I am happy to be with her. But I am still an addict and my addiction rears its head every so often. We are spending more time together than in the past and I have considered to be with her for the long haul, but I have been keeping in contact with other women.
Since I have had less stress after finals, I have started with the paleo diet again, but I have yet to start exercising again. I went through a heavy carb withdrawal earlier in the week, so my mind hasn't been entirely friendly. Also, being a week into no PMO is challenging. I haven't been too motivated to do much really because of the withdrawals, but I get these moments of clarity that are nice. I wouldn't do any of these things unless I got the occasional euphoric rewards of simple clarity.