I figured it was time to post a blog entry about my ongoing efforts to introduce karezza lovemaking to my marriage where my wife has zero interest in sexual activity of any kind.
OK, so, just as a reminder, for myself, the plan here was to go about three months with no demands for sexual intimacy. Bonding behaviors are fine, daily hugs are great, holding hands while we go to sleep is no problem, and even lying next to Nancy at night with my hand resting on her breasts so I can absorb her energy, fantastic. No demands for more though. No attempts to escalate. The goal here is to rebuild trust. To establish a new baseline after coming from from years of touch that had an intention to turn her on and drive toward orgasm, first hers, then mine.
After having been away for several months, I’ve been lurking on the site for a couple of weeks enjoying catching up with the familiar old crowd and seeing the new visitors on this site. I finally felt it was time to drop a post.
I've been doing a lot of work over the past 8 months on the source of my own addictions. It has not been easy work, but I have had a wonderful therapist and support system.
So I'm closing in on three weeks with no P/M/O, in my effort to go a total of 6 weeks. The first two weeks were smooth sailing which was quite nice. I view that as real progress in this battle. I didn't start feeling the effects of withdrawal until the start of the third week. Then I started trying to convince myself that I could have a slip and that would be ok. I told myself I could slip and then I'd just go a little further next time and add a little more time each time between slips.
I made two weeks of no P/M/O, then slipped, then 4 days slipped again with M/O. I really felt like I was just engaged in a constant battle and was losing the war.
Fortunately, I've had some recent success with the help of a book called "Addiction and Grace" written by Gerald G. May, M.D. Dr. May discusses the addiction process as follows:
"By now my associations have become so entrenched that the habit is an integral part of my life. Upon encountering any upset or distress, my desire to do the behavior surfaces like a reflex."
Ok, I'm posting a few entries that I've been keeping for myself. My thoughts have been so crazy the past couple of days that I didn't want to "go public."
Actually, now that I look back, I'm finding them somewhat amusing. The goal originally was to go two weeks without P/M/O. P&M are under control. O is an entirely different matter.
Here is where I have been:
I figured I was about due for an update. So here it is.
I am on day 21 without Masturbation. I am on day 7 without O, headed for my goal of making it to the end of the month and then maybe a week or more beyond that.
So I am going to start a new thread today because my old thread was primarily about giving up masturbation and right now that issue seems like a distant memory. After a couple of false starts (explained below) my wife and I started karezza sex this past weekend.
I've never blogged before, but thought I would give it a try to see if it will help me in my efforts to give up masturbation.
About a month ago I made a commitment to my wife that I would give up masturbation. We have been married for almost 19 years and the issue of me masturbating has been a huge issue in our marriage. I have always had an addiction to masturbation and masturbated on average 4 to 5 times a week, regardless of whether or not we were having intercourse. I also had a habit of using porn to masturbate which intensified when we started having marital difficulties.