I was talking to a friend a couple of weeks ago via facebook. We will call him Jeff. I have known Jeff for a few years. We met in college. We like to talk to each other about our struggles with women, the dates we go on, job woes, and general life stuff. A few months ago, I told Jeff that I had become the Master of my Own Domain". For the non-Seinfeld savvy, that means I don't PMO anymore.
I consider myself to be recovered from my PMO addiction. Today is day 72 no porn, day 15 no MO. I am finding it easier to avoid MO these days. In the interest of full disclosure, I actually looked at some nude pictures and a non-nude, but sexual, video 3 weeks ago. It was the turning point in my recovery, because I discovered that I simply did not like it. I looked at it for a total of about 15 minutes. No M or O to it. I kept the day counter going.
I promised everyone here that I would keep you updated about the class at my church that I have become involved in. We began a YBOP based lesson series several weeks ago. We started off talking about the biological aspects of porn (dopamine, limbic system, yadda yadda yadda). After the lesson, we would have a support group type round table where the kids would open up and tell about whatever porn struggles they might be having.
Well folks, It's been a long time since I posted a blog here. You can consider that a good thing. I'm so over my porn addiction that it's not even funny.
Here's a prime example of what I'm talking about...Sunday before last (2 weeks ago) I was feeling stressed out. I mean, really stressed, and tired. My porn cravings were up. It was day 50 no P. So, I gave in....I found some still nude pictures and a non-nude video.
Today is day 18 of no porn. You can look at my last blog to see how long my stretches have last. In the last 100 + days, I've only masturbated to porn 4 or so times...a stark contrast to my several times a week addiction that I carried for years and years.
So, after 34 days P free, I WATCHED IT AGAIN.
Last night I watched porn again. MOed too. I can't believe it. Like a dog to his vomit.
I'm trying hard not to beat up on myself. Here's my record so far:
First long streak: 34 days no P, 29 no MO.
Second long streak: 29 days no PMO.
Third long streak: ~29 days no MO, 34 days no P.
Tonight was the first night of the porn series at church. Raging success.
We went over very basic stuff. The Coolidge Effect, dopamine, primitive brain, rational brain, etc.
There were 13 students there, which was a large group for that class. They participated and seemed quite interested and enthusiastic, for the most part. I guess receptive might be a better way to describe them.
So, the other day I gave in to my pitiful primal urges and MOed to sensation only after a 28 day no PM streak. Before that I went 29 days no PMO until I caved and PMOed. Before that it was 34 days no P, 29 days no MO.
As many of you know, a friend and I are working on a series of classes for a HS aged group of kids at our church. It is to teach them the biological effects of porn on the brain and to give them tools to recover from porn use. YBOP is being heavily used for source material.
Anyway, I was talking to the youth pastor at the church over the phone earlier, and he offered that if we need any materials for the class, that he would get them through church funding.
It's really great that he's on board like this. It's a huge blessing.
So, as many of you know, I'm in the window of failure. What I mean is, I'm at the point in my streak where I'm most likely to fail. Last time I PMOed at 29 days, time before that it was 34 days no P, 29 no MO.
So, today I masturbated to sensation only. Oed too. I did it because I wanted to, really bad. Marnia mentioned in one of my posts that a scheduled masturbation schedule is helpful for some people. I am not one of those people.