I have just finished writing this blog post and realise it is very long. Brevity is not my strong point so apologies, but I think I have captured the minimum. Please be warned and read in instalments may be best!
In a discussion on the forum about the different types of orgasm and ejaculation I discussed playing with one's sexual energy and was asked to explain in more detail, so here goes. What follows is true for me but everyone is different so you will need to play around with this and find what works for you but the basic principles should be true for everyone. Also, I am male and this is written from my perspective but the concept is true for females also, although the mechanics may vary.
The aim of these practices is to firstly observe and tune into the sexual energy current that arises as arousal builds and then engage the body and mind to manage arousal up and down. What then happens over time is that the more you observe and tune in to what is arising in the body then the more noticeable, more intense and more pleasurable the sensations become. I believe that what is happening is that the mind is becoming more aware and discerning of the subtle energies arising while the body constructs new neural pathways to hard-wire these new sensations and feelings in. I read somewhere that to form a new neural pathway takes between 20 and up to 200 days with an average of 66.
The practices below are intended for solo exploration. A supportive and encouraging partner would be a real bonus (especially if she were exploring too) but I recommend only bringing this to the table once you are confident and surefooted with the physiological and energetic feelings you are engendering. Consistency is important too. Aim for at least 3 sessions per week and try at first for at least 15 minutes. As you gain confidence in your ability to feel and move the energy begin to extend the time. Once you can stay going up and down and feeling small "valley" orgasms at the peaks then you are pretty much there in terms of defining the parameters of your new sexual landscape. From there you can begin to play more within the container you have built - I will give some suggestions on that later.
We are all aware of the mind-body-spirit connection but mainly interpret this as a term for the holistic "self". Be open to the fact that these 3 components (and many sub-components) are distinctly separate bodies and can be discerned as such. In modern life we tend to live with the mind the dominant perspective. For purposes of these exercises we need to be in the body and view life from that perspective. The ideal conditions for success is to be fully embodied, consciously aware of the subtle and not so subtle physical responses with the mind calm and meditative and the spirit open and loving.
I also believe the Chakras to be real. In the ancient traditions the chakras are the junctions where the emotional (mind) and the physiological (body) converge. I believe in this concept, as when I move the energy around there are definite points where the energy feels more tangible, takes on a multi-dimensional feel and has an emotional tone to it. For these purposes we will illustrate with the heart chakra, my personal favourite.
Polarity and gender.
In the tantric / taoist traditions the energetic bodies have polarity - a positive (active, dynamic) and a negative (passive, receiving) pole. These are equal but opposite in the male and female bodies.
The masculine energy is positive in the genitals and negative in the heart. Ie it is the nature of the masculine to be dynamic and wish to give energy from the genitals while at the same time to receive the dynamic loving energy from the female. Hopefully that makes sense for those who have practised Karezza for a while.
As the exercises discussed are solo, what we are doing is arousing the energy in our active, genital region and raising this up to be experienced in our passive, loving centre. As men, we want to be active in the genitals and loving in the heart. Really get into your masculinity from that viewpoint. Embrace it and see it for what it is. Give tour true nature free flow. Do not the mistake of being over-loving in approaching this. When self pleasuring really get into your male, dynamic "fuck energy" in your genitals. Once the energy is raised up the channels you will have experience of being loving.
Hopefully, all of this is not too "far out there" at this point. I am a practical, sensible person (I am an accountant) but having really delved into this I have found real truth at the heart of some of this woo-woo stuff. I am giving you only what I have experienced to be true in a real felt sense. This is not prescriptive, it is merely my journey. Some of this will not resonate with or work for you whereas you may have other practices or viewpoints that work for you which did nothing for me. Be open and curious and play around until you find what is true for you.
What is orgasm anyway?
The dictionary definition of orgasm is a sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement accompanied by physical contractions and feelings of intense pleasure.
From a male perspective this translates as building arousal to the point where orgasm is inevitable and is accompanied by contractions in the root followed by ejaculation. 3-5 seconds in duration.
First thing to realise is that orgasm and ejaculation are not one and the same thing. They are distinctly different processes and are separately observable. Most men will have experienced ejaculation without any, or a very weak, orgasm. What we are doing here is turning that around to experience orgasm without ejaculation.
The CPA book mentions the concept of valley orgasms and peak orgasms. This is key. What we are after here is the valley orgasm. Then, using our conscious awareness and body in harmony we want to experience these valley orgasms as intensifying in pleasure until the valley orgasm is happening at a point at or higher than the original peak.
To get there you need to broaden your concept of orgasm to incorporate the idea that:
- any "peak" pleasurable sensation is orgasmic
- Orgasm is not localised in, or refined to, the genitals. Orgasm can be felt anywhere in the body.
- Orgasm is not an involuntary physical reaction. Orgasm is an energetic phenomenon. As it is energetic it need not be voluntary. Through conscious awareness it can become a deliberate and "controlled" response.
I came across a brilliant graphic to illustrate this but for the life of cannot figure out how to paste this in. I hope I can convey this with words. Let's start with an example of typical PE. Arousal starts at 0 and builds steadily to the point of orgasm and ejaculation - 10 - after 3 minutes. After orgasm energy decreases rapidly, the penis goes soft and the man is now in the refractory period.
The model we are after is to start at 0, build slowly to, say, 6 after 3 minutes and then allow arousal to go back to 4. Build to 7 then lower to 5. Build to 9 then lower to 7 and so on. With the correct focus and technique the end of each peak can trigger an energetic orgasmic response in the body. As one builds capacity for and sensitivity to this then 10 need not necessarily trigger ejaculation - you can take the peak to 12, 14 etc. It is also possible to hang out in the peak phase for extended periods of time - so an orgasm of minutes in duration is possible.
Hopefully by now I have conveyed that working and playing with the sexual energy is, say, 25% about what is being felt in the genitals and 75% is about what is going on in the rest of your body, your emotional state and your mental viewpoint.
Be really really curious about this as you pleasure yourself. To offer a personal experience, I will be pleasuring myself and feeling into the energy and will often feel a short, sharp, uncomfortable jolt in my right foot similar to cramp. This will bring a smile as I know that this is a sign the energy is waking up and moving. Another sign for me that the energy is moving up may be my biceps begin to twitch and tremble. By being curious and aware of these responses begins to amplify the experience of the energy and as it amplifies it becomes more pleasurable. This then seems to create a feedback loop and a positive upward spiral to more feeling, more pleasure. Yet the beginning is painful and definitely not "sexual".
My experience is unique to me, as yours will be to you. My quest was prompted by a search to cure PE, which had been my experience for many decades. In figuring all this out I read and researched extensively. I got there not by one single technique along but by combining a hodgepodge of techniques and practices from a wide range of disciplines.
I only know that which I know. I know no other path than the one I have walked. Yours may well be very different, but I offer these as the main waypoints along the way which provided the basis for my practice:
1. Kegels. Practice these regularly. Important for 2 reasons - you can physically block ejaculation if you stray too close to the edge and, more importantly, they provide the "springboard" which will push the energy away from the genitals and up the spine. Try this exercise now - give your PC muscle a short hard squeeze. What do you notice in the rest of the body? I notice a tingling sensation at the back of my neck and scalp and a vague feeling of heaviness around my cheeks. Whatever you feel, if you feel anything then congratulations - you have just moved energy from your root to elsewhere.
2. Breath. The breath is the vehicle by which the energy is transported and manipulated. Slow, deep belly breaths are enough but there are a myriad different ways to engage the breath for differing responses. I found a breathwork coach and did a few sessions but Youtube etc will give you great guidance if you search tantric breathing or orgasmic breathing.
Other resources which benefited me greatly:
1. Energy or similar practice. Take yourself for an energy workshop - Reiki 1 is probably the most accessible. This will open you up to feeling the (very at first) subtle energies you are working with. If nothing else I promise you the most chilled day ever.
2. Get into the body and begin to track what arises. I purchased an online course on working with the Vagus nerves and regulating the autonomic nervous system. Personally, I found this invaluable. I purchased the lifetime membership but a much shorter course is offered for $200 which will give you the tools you need to track and scan the body and its bio-energetic properties - see
3. Explore yourself. Around the age of 50 I purchased a book on lingam massage. I was suitably embarrassed that, having played with my penis for some 35 years I had a very set routine and had no idea what it was really capable of. Any Google search around mindful masturbation will probably be fine but I used this book "Lingam massage" by Michaela Riedl.
4. The internet is your friend. Searching arouns this topic will give you good, albeit vague and sometimes conflicting information. I purchased an online course - Jim Benson's Multi-orgasmic Lover. A really great course which I promise you you will get good results from. I still refer back to this time and time again.
Ok, enough rambling, but hopefully I have built a picture of what is involved and how much more expansive this idea of moving sexual energy is. Here is what a session looks like for me.
My practice step-by-step.
1. Normal rules apply - quiet space, relaxed etc etc. I actually find this really important. It seems to ritualise the whole process and this clues all aspects in to the fact that something special is about to take place. A 5 or 10 ,imute quickie will not do and will, in fact, set you backwards.
2. I start slowly, really looking inside and feeling into my body while slowly and gently waking it up. Most times this around the genitals but involve other areas too - thighs, belly, chest, nipples etc. Find what works well for you. Take it all really slowly.
3. Breath deeply and slowly and be super-relaxed. Throughout, keep coming back to this step. I need to remind myself constantly to breath slowly and deeply and to relax. Your conditioned response is to chase the orgasm and therefore as you get more aroused the breath quickens and the body tenses. That is a sure-fire way to come. You want to do the opposite. Breath and relax - the orgasm needs to find you, not the other way around.
4. Touch lightly and stroke slowly. At first anyway. As you become more proficient you can up the ante, but for now you want to stay ahead of the arousal curve. And use lube. Otherwise you will chafe. I use organic coconut, sweet almond or avocado oil. Avoid things like KY etc - they do not remain slick enough for long enough.
5. Be super-aware of where you are on the 0 (neutral)to 10 (coming. Game over) scale. It may be useful for you to intentionally go all the way (but keeping to steps 1 -3) for the first time. This will give you a good gauge of your arousal curve and to recognise your bodily response.
6. Put awareness into your root (PC). While the penis itself creates powerfully pleasurable sensation. the orgasm energy arises around the root. Watch for both.
So with that in place:
7. I am stroking myself softly and slowly and involving the whole genital area - head, shaft, frenulum, testicles and perineum. I am relaxedly enjoying the sensations and I am tracking my arousal response. From 0 I am up to, say 5 on the 10 point scale. I am really getting into this, enjoying the sensations. At 5 it is feeling really good but a way off coming.
7a At 5 either slow down more or stop. Take a deep breath in, visualising a stream of energy running down the front of the body into the genitals. At the end of the inward breath your belly is distended and your genitals are energised from the energy you have just breathed in. Without pause and naturally, as soon as the in breath ends, squeeze your PC (ie kegel) and your abs while visualising this squeezing bouncing or squeezing the energy up a channel in the front of the spine. Just moving it is enough - don't try for too high.
NOTE: Some traditions use the channel at the back of the spine. That works too but the energy travels too fast. The front channel seems to move more slowly and engages more fully with the body. Also - the direction of the energy (breathe in, energy down etc) is unimportant. Some people find it easier to move the energy up on the in breath and down on the out. See what works for you.
7b Pause or slow down and see if you can feel anything in the rest of your body but with your focus on the visualising the energy raising up that front channel. Imagine you are aiming to get the energy up to the navel initially. Don't fret if you can't feel the energy - visualising is enough to start with. Where thought goes, energy flows. You will (I promise) begin to feel this more and more as your system wakes up and aligns to what you are intending. It will then form new neural pathways to interpret this as pleasure and create the capacity within for your ultimate aim. Be patient.
8. Once your arousal has dropped back to 3 begin to pleasure yourself again. Let the arousal build to a 7 and then repeat the steps in 7 above, letting the arousal go down to your previous 5.
9. Pleasure yourself again and this time take it to 8. Now, I realise the scale is a bit vague. For me, I am at 8 when this is feeling reaallly good, my arousal is climbing quickly and I can feel the cogs around the root of my penis and in my balls beginning to engage or at least they are thinking about joining the party. I am at 8 when I feel that I am 5 or 6 strokes away from coming.
9a. Stop all touch. Breathe, kegel, squeeze abs and move (or just visualise) the energy moving up. Now just kind of hang out with yourself. Look inside. What do you feel? Where do you feel it? Can you sense a subtle energy current running up the front of your spine from PC to navel? If you don't can you imagine it is there? Does that feel different. Play around with it.
10. Let your arousal go back down to 5 or even lower if you are feeling blissful while playing around at 9a.
11. Pleasure yourself again and begin to bring the arousal back to 8. Keeping your awareness on your root and perineum can you feel anything outside of the physical sensations in your penis? Can you sense an orgasm building not within your genitals directly but somewhere in that area but in your energetic body? For me I sense the orgasm building a little way behind my genitals. If I were to draw a line from the base of my penis to my anus and then triangulate that to a point around 9 inches or so behind then that is where it seems to emanate from. It feels like a little ball of energy - not sensational by itself but it has a distinctly different presence or density to the rest of my energy field.
11a. Breathe, kegel, squeeze abs and this time see if you can visualise that it is that little ball of orgasmic energy you are hooking and moving upwards.
12. Repeat and repeat again as many times as you like.
13. Begin experimenting with raising the energy higher in the body. Aim for the heart area or chakra. This I find to be the most profound but you can of course take it all the way up through the crown.
14. Experiment also with moving the energy outside of the spinal channel. Move it to your legs, your arms etc
What are we looking for?
You will eventually become more and more familiar with the energy and you will perceive it more and more strongly. What will then begin to happen is that when the breath and the kegel bounces the energy up it will begin to trigger little mini-orgasms all along that channel but in the physical body. Kind of like little blissful tremors and twitches in the muscles and tissues. This is energy orgasm. The more and more you bring these on and experience them, the stronger and more blissful they will become. They will eventually be as intense, as satisfying, as orgasmic as your previous ejactulatory orgasm at 10. The good thing about these is that they do not need to stop at 10 - you can move them further up the pleasure scale to as far beyond 10 as you like. After many months practising in this way I have found that the ejaculatory response also diminishes. It is almost like your body takes a unilateral view that this is waaaaay too much fun to spoil with an ajaculation.
Outside the bedroom.
After your session your energy will be very much raised. If you have got it into the heart your heart will be open in a very real and tangible way. Experiment with moving the energy without any genital touch at all. Simply breathe, kegel, squeeze and visualise. Over time you will be able to play with this orgasm energy anywhere any time. This also takes you further up the curve. When I first encountered it I thought it totally fantastical to be able to have a thoughtgasm. Believe me you can.
Notice also as you walk the streets in the days following a session (it fades after a day or so). You are still engaging with the energy and you are a sexually confident, embodied man. Your genitals are alive and your heart wide open. What happens energetically when you see a pretty lady or an erotic image? When someone touches you or brushes by? How do ladies react to your presence when you consciously engage with them from the heart?
When you eventually decide to ejaculate.
I try to limit my ejaculation to once a month or so. I have read on the forum that some ejaculate as a sense of release, or just because it does feel nice. Try this:
1. You have cycled through the above steps a few times in your current session and have the intention to ejaculate.
2. Move the energy up to the heart area.
3. Instead of stopping or slowing but being careful, really careful, to dampen the arousal slowly begin to focus your awareness on the heart area while continuing to pleasure yourself.
4. Begin to feel that orgasmic energy swimming around your heart area. This will sound wierd but remember that little ball of orgasmic energy that signalled an impending orgasm in the steps above? With practice you can move the point of emanation to the heart. You are still very much aware of the pleasureable sensations in your penis and perineum but now that orgasm that is arising is not coming from that area around the genitals, but from the heart centre!
5. Realax as fully as possible and breathe very deeply very slowly. Stroke yourself slowly and allow the arousal to build - 8, 9, 9.5, 9.75. Relax more.
6. Still focused on that ball of orgasmic energy in your heart allow the orgasm to emerge. You are almost passive as it builds, crests then washes over you.
7. When it eventually erupts. because the energy is not localised in the genitals but centred in the heart but still connected all the way down the channel to the root, well...OMG. The resulting ejaculatory will blow your mind as you come all along that energetic trail at the same time. Rather than coming from the genitals it feels like every single cell in your body is coming individually but in unison. This is what is referred to as the full body orgasm. Again, expperiencing this then creates a feedback loop so when you go back to energy orgasm only it is at a much elevated state.
8. Experiment. How high can you go? Try coming from the throat, the 3rd eye, the crown and beyond.
That is the sum total of my experience and knowledge so far. I hope there is something in that which will aid you on your own journey. Thanks for allowing me to share this with you. Please feel free to come back with any questions.