I had a very busy day today; three visits to my former home to visit my convalescing dog, a dental appointment, my first counseling session, driving range (senior club championship this weekend) and grocery shopping. Now I'm waiting for the VP debate to begin in about half an hour.
The counseling session went well but finances may become an issue in the future since my insurance coverage will change at the end of the month. We'll see. I was open and honest with him which was good, and different. As I talked about what was going on with pmo (34 days abstinent), with pot (18 days), with alcohol (6 1/2 years) and nicotine (0 days) it became clear to both of us that I am "blessed" with an addictive personality. Throughout my entire life, even before puberty I have been this way. As a kid it was candy, soda, and ice cream. Even listening to music, I displayed an addictive bent. When I was in high school I once listened to the song "Where Did Our Love Go" by the Supremes over 100 times in a row! Why? Because I loved the sound, loved how it made me feel, couldn't get enough of it. I remember playing it for a girlfriend one time and she said she liked it, too. When I tried to play it a second time however, she gave me this funny look and let me know that she didn't like it "that much". Right then I felt that I was different, at least from her. So, not surprisingly, masturbation and the fantasies that came along with it was perfect for me. There was no one to give me that funny look, no one to pass judgment. I learned the same lessons as each of my other addictions manifested themselves over the years. My response was always the same. Go underground with them or find others who were as addicted as I was and hang with them. This allowed me to not feel different. These people disappeared from my life over time but the addictions remained and grew.
It's nice to be pmo free and really sober today. Cigarettes will be the last to go. November.