This is a long post ...
I have been keeping a detailed diary for a year or so, tracking our love life, the frequency of intercourse, our moods, our climaxes. On several occasions, we've gone more than a month orgasm free; but I can't say I've noticed much difference between those times, and the times we've had several orgasms in a row - on a superficial level, at least.
It's been an odd journey, of late. A few years ago, when I was new to this forum, I remember asking if anyone could explain to me what was meant by a valley orgasm. Marnia replied by posting a link to a description of lovemaking which she felt encapsulated this. Reading it, the words seemed familiar; then I realised I had written them myself. Marnia had sent me a link to one of my own, earlier posts.
I've been keeping a diary of our sex life. I've also kept tabs on our moods. Until recently, the last orgasm I had was more two months ago. During that time, my wife had three orgasms. We've just gone through a major hiccup, with orgasms coming thick and fast. One of mine was a wet dream, which I haven't had for ages. I think it was inevitable. I was beginning to feel like a ball of dough that couldn't rise any further; something had to give.
It's been a while since I posted. Progress is slow. Unlike most people who try Karezza, and take to it like a duck to water, I - we - seem to be stuck in the slow lane. However, one thing has changed. Little by little, I'm losing interest in having orgasms. Initially, every Karezza encounter I had found me split down the middle, my better self struggling with my lizard for control.
I"m intrigued by the variety of Karezza posters at Reuniting. There are those established couples who use this way of making love to get closer, scale new heights of mutual pleasure, and become ever younger and healthier during the process. There are equally established couples who are sadly divided between one who would like to do the same and the other who expresses no interest. Then, there are the younger couples, starting out in a way I would have found incomprehensible at their age. Finally, there are innumerable singles, pining for a partner to try Karezza with.
I'm finding voluntarily forgoing orgasm a tricky business. It seems a remarkably similar process to when I gave up smoking. My intentions were good, but I enjoyed cigarettes so much, stopping myself from having that enjoyment, for what were very laudable but not so immediately obvious benefits, was astonishingly difficult. I failed repeatedly. I particularly remember the first cigarette of the day, with my breakfast tea or coffee, which was so serenely delicious, I usually lit a second from the tab of the first, to prolong the pleasure. Giving this up felt barbarous.
Not having visited Reuniting much over the past two years, it's been refreshing to find so many posters nowadays lauding their amazing experiences of Karezza (thanks to the heart motif, I can find these posts easily). I can't be as scornful as I once was. In fact, I'm envious. I'm beginning to realise I'm in first grade with this stuff. There seems such a long way to go.
I haven't posted in a while but a renewed interest in exploring Karezza, in the face of continuing uncertainty about its logic, wisdom and effectiveness, makes me keen to record my thoughts.
I often find myself silently debating the finer points of sex while doing the sorts of task that require minimal attention. The pros and cons of orgasm is a perennial favourite. I occasionally dwell on my continued inability to recognise any difference in behaviour or attitude in either myself or my wife following periods of no orgasms or many orgasms, which I suppose helps justify our continued enjoyment of them. The other day, though, I found myself wondering what, precisely, the point of orgasm was, its purpose, its reason for existing.