Spacehampster's blog

I need encouragement

Submitted by Spacehampster on

I have done no pmo for nearly 2 years. I don't feel better, I feel astronomically worse. I eventually relapsed after I finally made 90 days because I was going crazy. My thoughts started to scatter and I've felt fried ever since. I'm so tense I can't concentrate on everything else, and I either have insane amounts of energy or absolute 0 and it's very bipolar. I never felt like THE MAN like most people, I've just felt like shit, the world is so clear it's terrifying and all I feel like I can do is curl in a ball.


Submitted by Spacehampster on

I realized that the best way to recovery is through no fantasy as well as PMO, even limiting music and other pleasurable things. Apparently this is true, as in merely 3 weeks my world has changed. I...I had forgotten what love, anger, and fear felt like. Colors are bright and for the first time, it's like I can actually look at an object and feel as though its really there?(very hard to explain) The world is so different that I'm terrified and nearly have panic attacks when I wake up in the morning.

Attempt #3 at no pmo....

Submitted by Spacehampster on

Well, I keep making it about a month, getting suicidally depressed and then caving, only to feel a more numbed version of depression. Hopefully third time is a charm. I've made it a whole day and a half xD my goal has always been something like 90 days, so I'm already 10/895 of the way there!