I have done no pmo for nearly 2 years. I don't feel better, I feel astronomically worse. I eventually relapsed after I finally made 90 days because I was going crazy. My thoughts started to scatter and I've felt fried ever since. I'm so tense I can't concentrate on everything else, and I either have insane amounts of energy or absolute 0 and it's very bipolar. I never felt like THE MAN like most people, I've just felt like shit, the world is so clear it's terrifying and all I feel like I can do is curl in a ball. Everything is so hard, I hate everything and all I can think about is killing myself. Working out is impossible, I get exhausted instantly even though I have tons of energy. It's like my body just wants to shut down...I can't fantasize either. I'm extremely horny all the time, but I don't feel manly about it, I just feel like I have to orgasm or I'm gonna die. When I cave in the orgasms feel impossibly good and relaxing for a while, but soon the desperation for another orgasm is back. I guess I went too far. I feel like suicide is my only way out of this hellhole of existence I've brought myself to.