Age 22 : Day 25 relapse

Submitted by Stick on
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Hi guys !

First,I'll introduce myself because i never did it!
I'm a 22 years old student, addict to porn since i have access to internet in a private room (16 yo maybe). I have discovered masturbation really early (7 or 8 yo) and didn't know what it was. I remember scratching my pant in class when i was stressed. I didn't even know it was something sexual. It's a pity that noone explained me what it was , because they were a lot of shame behind that. Two years later, i stopped doing it in public , but continue when i was alone. I have always link masturbation and stress relief. It's only around 12yo that i discovered that it was masturbation , and that it was "normal".

Then i discovered porn around 14 year old. I was subscribed to a porn newsletter, i don't even know how, probably because of a forum i was subscribed on). They sent me a free porn video every week. I started to watch porn weekly, and then in progressively escalated, especially after i had my own computer.

Today, i'm 22. After some attempts of reboot (8, 12, 5 and 25 days), i realized how porn has important consequences on my daily life. I have no ED , but i have delayed ejaculation. But the worst thing for me, it's that i don't spontaneously want to meet girls when a masturbate to porn. My libido is not focused on real life.

I went to the mountain for skiing with my university. I was on day 17 to 25 of my last reboot. And i felt really great. I met a lot of girls everywhere and i spook spontaneously to them. I kissed and Irish girl in a pub, a some girls from my university where really interested by me. I did things i would never be able to do before. I entered in most rooms of the hostel with a few friends and my ukulele and made sing everyone ( while some mates stole their toilet paper :P). I was really funny and i felt great. I was flatlining the whole 25 days.

Then i we back to home, i spent my last day of holiday on my computer, and.... i relapsed!
Soooo stupid! But the good thing is that a light touch felt really really good and i have never been as hard. They were definitely an improvement. The next day i still felt great, and my libido was back. I still had success with girls. Maybe because i didn't ejaculate.
Then i surrendered to the chaser effect the next day, once, and twice..

I hope i didn't sent me back to far with this relapse

Now i want to get back on the right track! Porn is a bad thing for me, and life is too short to waste time with it. So tomorrow will be day one!
I'll practice meditation every morning, do some exercises and take care of myself.
As usual, No PMO, but real girls are allowed !

Comments

Thanks for sharing your story

Sounds like you see your choice really clearly. That makes it easier to stay motivated.You may have to figure out how to block porn on your computer to get some traction. COMPUTER.PAGE It takes a lot of willpower to let the flatline run its course. It can be a bit unnerving.

I got my sister a uke as a gift...but it doesn't seem to be getting much of a workout. Sad

Thank you for your support

Thank you for your support Marnia!I hope your sister will take the time to learn ukulele ,it's worth it!

I locked some computers , but there is a lot of computers at home and i always find a way to see porn, despite it.

I'm PMO every 2 days for a week, and i really feel like shit. I always think everything is under control, and then i fall at the first cue. I'm not comfortable around girls anymore.. And my voice sounds really weak :(. I really don't like that. It was Valentine's day today and i makes me feel like a double shit :D.

I remember ,Marnia, you told me once "Just do your best" and it really helped me. So i'll try to take it day by day.

I'll take some measure to help me:

- No computer in my bedroom anymore
- Block pictures on Facebook and google
- Uninstall a video game i spend a lot of time on.

I'll try to limit the time i spend on my computer as much as i possible. Using it mostly to work.
I think i should also read Uncle bob's advice of yourbrainonporn more often. It really help me to stay motivated and committed to my goal.

I hope you guys are doing good !!

Hey man!

Hey man!

your situation sounds a lot like mine actually. For me I also didn't had ED, but I had a very strong apathy towards real women. I had zero libido and this was a really weird feeling for me. Off course after a while I realized that it was due to excess use of porn.

The reason why I find that your situation is a lot like mine, is because you have a lot of computers at your house that are available for access.

At my parents house there are 4-5 computers available. What I urge you to do, is to let other people put a password on it. Look up some of my post on my blog. I went 21 days without PMO and I felt great, after a while I had a relapse due to a computer that was unprotected. For me it's clear that it's just too dangerous for porn to be so easily available. It's like with an alcoholic, they have to say no completely, without exceptions.

Also at this stage it seems that you arn't facing withdrawal symptomps. This is great! But if you are flatlining, it can be very tempting to try and test your libido.

Thanks for your feedback

Thanks for your feedback Achiever! :)
I have read some of your posts! Talking to your father was really brave! I should probably do the same, but i'm not comfortable with it.

My first big problem is that i gave my K9 password to my best friend, but i was able to reset it. I blocked 3 different computers, with 3 different e-mail. Does someone have a solution for that? Until now i didn't used others computers because they are in place i cannot really have intimacy.

Second problem, when i know the computer cannot access to porn, i easily allow myself to search for erotic content, and i may eventually find some porn. I think i really have to be strict with that!

Concerning withdrawal symptoms , i had headache, and really felt bad around day 7-12, but it quickly passed!

I did it as following:

I did it as following:

I made 3 passwords with three different emails. I saved all the information in a word-document, which I sended to my brother. This word document also contained the passwords for these emails, so I can never really get access to them. Unless I ask my brother.

If you do that, you should be fine. Meditation also helps a lot!

The conversation actually followed a couple of days after a relapse. I said "screw this, let's do this". It still took me some though, but if your parents are understanding, there should be no need to worry about their responses.

Good luck!